The workplace bully

 Every working adult has known one -- a boss who loves to throw his (or her) weight around, wanting 24 hour affirmation of his superiority, who delights in making subordinates squirm, whose moods radiate through the office, sending workers scurrying for cover, whose very voice causes stomach muscles to clench and pulses to quicken. I had one for four years and can testify to the tragedy such a boss brings to any organization. He leaves the organization dispirited, scouring for cover, without any incentive to innovate, and afraid to speak out. Dissatisfaction spreads rapidly, rivalries simmer, sycophants flourish. Normally self-confident professionals dissolve into quivering bundles of neuroses and in the end there is real decline in productivity. But it takes a while for his superiors to find this out. And in my case, they did finally threw him out but the damage was done.

Researchers have long been interested in the bullies of the playground, exploring what drives them and what effects they have on their victims. Only recently have investigators turned their attention to the bullies of the workplace. Around the country, psychologists who study the dynamics of groups and organizations are discovering why cruel bosses thrive, how employees end up covering for managers they despise and under what conditions workers are most likely to confront and expose a bullying boss.

Bullying bosses, studies find, differ in significant ways from the schoolyard bullies. In the schoolyard, particularly among elementary school boys, bullies tend to pick on smaller or weaker children, often to assert control in an uncertain social environment in which they feel vulnerable. But adult bullies in positions of power are already dominant, and they are just as likely to pick on a strong subordinate as a weak one, said Dr. Gary Namie, director of the Workplace Bullying and Trauma Institute, an advocacy group based in Bellingham, Wash. And surprisingly women are at least as likely as men to be the aggressors, but they are also more likely to be targets.

A manager might use bullying to swat down a threatening subordinate or a manager might be looking for a scapegoat to carry the department, or the supervisor's, frustrations. But very often many managers bullied subordinates for the sheer pleasure of exercising power. These workplace tyrants spread misery, though from the outside it looks as if they are doing a fine job. It does not help matters, psychologists say, that people who enjoy abusing power frequently also revere it and are quick to offer that reverence to the even-more-powerful. Bullying bosses are often experts at ''managing up’’ and hence are very often effective in covering up their abusive workplace behavior.

Ambition, experts say, is the bully's most insidious deputy. It looks like if there's a strong leader in the group, then that person's behavior is contagious and hence threatening to the boss. And if that leader is nasty, others become bystanders and keep silent and ''this moral disengagement spreads like a germ.''

The most common form of resistance to a cruel manager remains the old-fashioned grousing session. Sharing the misery over lunch or a drink can makes everyone feel a little better and signal the first step in jointly responding to the abuse. Sociologists who study dissent within large organizations like factories and hospitals find that informal kvetching sessions may evolve into effective resistance when workers are united, well connected with others in the organization and trust the company's higher-ups to hear their case. More often, though, grousing simply feeds on itself, sometimes devolving into elaborate self-contained gatherings in which the central activity is bad-mouthing and mimicking the boss. It is those who are not part of a tight group, who feel truly desperate and in danger of losing their jobs, who appear most likely to speak up, he said. Most others learn to perform an elaborate dance, trying to preserve their status while being careful not to forfeit their sense of decency, all the while looking for an escape hatch.

Bully bosses come in a variety of styles, but each seeks the same goal: absolute control. They may spout the company line about teamwork and consensus building, but in practice, they're always looking out for numero uno. They're not after a win-win; they're out to win, period. In their view, everyone within the organization is either above or below them.

Paul Babiak, a New York industrial-organizational psychologist and co-author of "Snakes in Suits," advises against trying to "help" or befriend a bully; their aggressive behavior hides an inner need that is well beyond reason. "Studies indicate that bullies are actually inept people who are not talented, maybe have a rage against themselves that they express outward toward people they see as being better than they are. It's from a point of weakness that they express their violence toward others."Bullies never self-correct, and the reason is they hold everyone else responsible for their behavior. To change, you have to be willing to take responsibility for your own actions, and bullies do not. All of your reasonable, logical, compassionate attempts to get along with a bully will ultimately backfire.

While there are many strategies for dealing with workplace bullies and many a book has been written on the subject, the fact is that the only thing a bully respects is people who stand up to hime and who won't be bullied.