A Graduation speech to cherish

Here is a graduation speech to cherish.

"You might be surprised to hear this, but you are about to step out into a world that’s in good shape -- in fact the best shape that that it’s ever been in." begins Nipun Mehta in this graduation speech. " The average person has never been better fed than today.  Infant mortality has never been lower; on average we’re leading longer, healthier lives. Child labor, illiteracy and unsafe water have ceased to be global norms. Democracy is in, as slavery is disappearing.  People don’t have to work as hard to just survive. A bicycle in 1895 used to cost 260 working hours, today we’ve gotten that number down to 7.2. So, things are progressing.  But I’m afraid that’s not the full story. "  

"What we’re handing over to you is a world full of inspiring realities coupled with incredibly daunting ones. In other words: miserable and magical isn't just a pop-song lyric -- it's the paradox that you are inheriting from us."

"At the core of all of today's most pressing challenges is one fundamental issue: we have become profoundly disconnected.  The average American adult reports having just one real friend that they can count on.  Just one.  And for the first time in 30 years, mental health disabilities such as ADHD outrank physical ones among American children.  We’ve forgotten how to rescue each other.  Reflecting on my own journey, there have been three keys that helped me return to a place of connection.  I’d like to share those with you today, in the hope that perhaps it might support your journey.

The First Key Is To Give *Maybe* greed is good, but Generosity is better. People consistently underestimate generosity, but human beings are simply wired to give. Our capacity to love is a currency that never runs out.  

The Second Key Is To Receive. When we give, we think we are helping others.  That's true, but we are also helping ourselves.  With any act of unconditional service, no matter how small, our bio-chemistry changes, our mind quiets, and we feel a sense of gratefulness.  This inner transformation fundamentally shifts the direction of our lives. Or as the Dalai Lama once put it, "Be Selfish, Be Generous.”  It is in giving that we receive.

The Third Key Is To Dance. Our biggest problem with giving and receiving is that we try and track it.  And when we do that, we lose the beat. The best dancers are never singularly focused on the mechanics of their movements.  They know how to let go, tune into the rhythm and synchronize with their partners. It’s like that with giving too.  It's a futile exercise to track who is getting what.  We just have to dance.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said it best, when he said, "Everyone can be great, because everyone can serve."  

Charm- the lost art

Reading this article on the rise and fall of male charm reminded me of one of the most charming man I have known. Now almost ninety, I have known him for almost sixty years and he has remained the same gentle, caring and kind man. What traits underlie his manly charms - no its not the sex appeal or a suavity with social graces, it is something more than that. It is an aura that emanates when he meets and talks with almost anybody - concern, kindness and courtesy, laced with a gentle humor and topped up with sunny optimism. He treated everyone with the same dignity and considerations, be it the waiter in the restaurant or the chief executive of an oil company. Warm, witty and wise, he would always tease my wife about her cooking, her "chappatis" and was a delightful companion with a kind word for all. Even when he was chairman of many companies, his manner to us never changed in all the years we knew him. To me he was the epitome of charm.

In real life few possess this charm though many may want to. Male charm is all but absent from our lives nowaday. Actually most men view charm with a vague suspicion, thinking it cloaked a man too smooth to be trusted. Few cultivate it; still fewer respond to it; hardly any know whether they have it; and almost none can even identify it. 

In modern public life,  the two people who embody charm are George Clooney and Cary Grant. Grant developed a new way to interact with a woman onscreen: he treated his leading lady as both a sexually attractive female and an idiosyncratic personality, an approach that often required little more than just listening to her—a tactic that had previously been as ignored in the pictures as it remains, among men, in real life. 

Women commonly complain about the difficulty in gaining any conversational purchase, the beginning of charm, when they try to engage the fathers of their children’s classmates or the husbands of their tennis partners. The woman will grab from her bag of conversational gambits—she’ll allude to some quotidian absurdity or try to form a mock alliance in defiance of some teacher’s or soccer coach’s irksome requirement. But the man doesn’t enter into the give-and-take. The next time they meet, it’s as though they’ve never talked before; the man invariably fails to pick up the ball, and any reference the woman might make to a prior remark or observation falls to the ground. Men don’t indulge in the easy shared confidences and nonsexual flirtations that lubricate social exchange among women. Even in the most casual conversation, men are too often self-absorbed or mono-focused or—more commonly—guarded, distracted, and disengaged to an almost Aspergerian degree. 

Men consistently fail to meet the sort of obvious standards set by guides to etiquette and to the art of conversation common 50 years ago. For charm is a quality that is tantalizing because it simultaneously demands detachment and engagement. Only the self-aware can have charm: It’s bound up with a sensibility that at best approaches wisdom, or at least worldliness, and at worst goes well beyond cynicism. It can’t exist in the undeveloped personality. It’s an attribute foreign to many men because most are, for better and for worse, childlike. These days, it’s far more common among men over 70—probably owing to the era in which they reached maturity rather than to the mere fact of their advanced years. 

What used to be called good breeding is necessary (but not sufficient) for charm: no one can be charming who doesn’t draw out the overlooked, who doesn’t shift the spotlight onto others—who doesn’t, that is, possess those long-forgotten qualities of politesse and civilité. Today this social virtue goes increasingly unrecognized. Still, charm is hardly selfless. All of these acts can be performed only by one at ease with himself yet also intensely conscious of himself and of his effect on others. And although it’s bound up with considerateness, it really has nothing to do with, and is in fact in some essential ways opposed to, goodness. Another word for the lightness of touch that charm requires in humor, conversation, and all other aspects of social relations is subtlety.  

But charm, for all its appeal, isn’t a moral virtue—it’s an amoral one. Americans, especially American men, have always been, for some very good reasons, ambivalent about charm. It’s an attribute alien to many men because they are ingenuous, a quality that can itself be either admirable or unlovely. America’s entire political history has been in some basic way a struggle between Jefferson—self-righteous, humorless, prickly, at once intellectually ardent and woolly—and Hamilton, a man foreign-born, witty, stylish, coolly brilliant, generous, possessed of a rare rapport with and an understanding of women. And just as Hamilton’s political vision triumphed, so did Jefferson’s political style. To be sure, we’ve always had sports heroes—Sonny Jurgensen, John McEnroe, Jim McMahon, Arnold Palmer—whose sly irony and authority-defining insouciance lends them the adolescent glamour of Peck’s Bad Boy, a posture that, while sometimes winning, can be mislabeled as charm. The seriousness with which American men take sports both confirms and exacerbates their suspicion of charm. 

Of course, all of these social and cultural shifts, which are themselves inimical to charm, are rooted in a more basic change—the ever-widening infection of social relations by market values. That development, whether good or ill, indisputably makes for blunter and more crudely utilitarian manners. After all, in a way, charm is just small talk. 

So there’s nothing new about the troubled relationship between men and charm. According to Schwarz, "The dearth of charming American leading men seems acute now, but only for a brief cultural moment, from the mid-1930s to the early 1940s, did American movies elevate male charm—not coincidentally, during a time when middle-class women made up the pictures’ largest audience. Even then the roster of charming lead actors was pretty much limited to Grant (foreign-born and -raised, and entirely self-invented—a man without a country), Gable (endearing, although his charm was always at war with his compulsion to establish his masculinity), William Powell (a bit asexual), and—strange but true—the perennially underrated Fred MacMurray. As for most other male stars, even of romantic comedies, which was the only genre that celebrated charm, the distinction that separates youth from age applies: Jimmy Stewart in his fumbling ineffectuality and Gary Cooper in his galumphing diffidence could be charming—the modifier boyishly naturally appends itself—but they didn’t have charm. "

In the old days, the phrase a charming man was often code for “a gay man,” and undoubtedly the undying but unfounded speculation about Grant’s bisexuality is based on the suspicion that no man so charming could possibly be heterosexual. There is no getting around the basic womanliness of charm. One of the three most important virtues in a man, according to Christopher Hitchens—among the very few charming men I’ve known—is the ability to think like a woman. (The other two are courage, moral and physical, and a sense of the absurd.) Certainly this is one reason many men find charm so alien and alienating. But a man’s ability to think like a woman, and its concomitant—an understanding of and interest in women—is probably rooted not in sexuality but in a sympathetic relationship with his mother or other women who raised him. That today foppishness, campiness, and a proclivity to dish get conflated with male charm indicates the culture’s incomprehension of that quality.

Cliché has it that a charming leading man appeals equally to both men and women (although for different reasons). That’s immensely difficult to manage. Even if American men could appreciate charm, they still wouldn’t trust it—and it’s impossible to really like a man whom you can’t trust with your wife. The genius of Grant was the way he expressed both his delight in their charm and their own suspicion of charm, and so spoke to men—and to women, who, to survive in this world, have always had to know in their bones the truth of Anita Brookner’s assertion that a true man of charm must be a liar. One could reply that our suspicions should be raised only by the superficial charm that psychiatrists attribute to psychopaths. But Grant knew that charm in all its guises is ultimately, if not merely, superficial—“real charm” is an oxymoron. But its very refinement, the weight it places on self-presentation, means that it is inherently manipulative. The charmer knows that he or she is manipulating

Charm is a social—a civilized—virtue. The fact is charm is charming. But just don’t be charmed by it too easily. There are some who use charm as a weapon and others who are just charming by nature. It is important to distinguish beween the two. For a charming man today is a true rarity.

The bane of critics

Most of us are familiar with the story of the scorpion who persuaded a frog to carry him across a river. The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, the frog would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion explains that this is simply its nature. 

So it is with many people. It seems they can't help  cricizing others or running them down. It is true that there some people  who genuinely feel they know more and that they have an obligation to set people right - whether it is in the correct prunciation, or table manners, or social customs. They feel they are best placed to give advice and that everyone should pay heed to their superior wisdom.

 But why is this so? Why do some people criticize and put people down. Here are some reasons for their behavior:

1.  Many smart people think that they are just being realistic. They want to help and whip the other person to shape before they get hurt. Yes, they agree that they could do it in a nicer fashion but they strongly believe that being nice may not drive home the point.

2. This is their style and that is who they are – it’s hard for them to change their way now. Many don’t seem to have a problem with their abrasive style and some of them said they are working on changing it for the better.

3. Some of the smart people are surprised that they come across as “extremely critical.” They thought that they were just having a heart-to-heart conversation.

4. Some smart people think that their caring can come across as “being critical.” If they didn’t care they would have not participated in the discussion in the first place. Once they start participating, all stops were removed.

5. Some smart people thought that they were so passionate on that topic that they got carried away.

6. They are just honest and they really think that focus has to be on the message and not about the way the message is delivered. It is unfair to penalize for honesty, they feel.

While all of the above make sense, there was another really important hidden reason and here it is:

7. Criticizing others is the side-effect of the critics constant need for approval. Let me explain:According to the critics's point of view, if he put everyone down then he will be the only one left who is worthy.

But what motivates some people to criticize and put others down?

It seems many smart people seem to need on-going approval from the world that they are smart. The keyword is “on-going” – meaning they are not satisfied with getting the validation once but they need to get it again and again and again.There are two ways of getting that validation – one is the “long term” route and the other one is the “instant gratification” route.

The “long term” route requires “real accomplishments” that will create a “Wow” response from the audience. It is not surprising that “real accomplishments” take a long time because if it took any less time, many people would have done that and it would no longer be “unique enough” to elicit a “Wow” response. So if someone is very smart, they may shave off “some time” from creating something “remarkable” but it DOES take significant time. Also, since nobody has the “midas touch” all their hard work may go waste (when it comes to public recognition) if their project is not a hit.

The “instant gratification” method is seemingly easy. It only takes a few minutes to prove that someone else is not as smart as they are. It is by criticizing someone’s else’s smart idea. If they can prove in a matter of seconds that the “smart idea” that was presented was really “not that smart” then chances are that you may appear “relatively smarter” than the person who originally presented the idea. The “instant gratification” method is like a “shortcut” to getting that much sought after approval. It is a way of getting that relative “ego boost” with very little effort as compared to the effort required in the “long term” approach. Start giving them that “ego boost” and they get used to it and criticizing others will become their second nature. It is a trap and they won’t even know they are in one.

 Why do they behave like this ?

My experience of people that are always criticizing others is that they are deeply unhappy, have a low self esteem and perhaps even depressed. When people are depressed, sad or insecure often the world becomes very dark and they do see the enemy everywhere. Some people are very jealous of other people's success and deeply resent it. They then start to 'act' out.

It can also be a form of projection. They project onto others what they feel about themselves. When they call you a loser, really this is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. It is likely too that they consider this how you think about them so they get the insult out there first. The more unkind they are to you, the more distance you create between you, and this results in them trying harder to get your attention.

They may feel rejected and try with inappropriate means to re-establish a connection. Look at how 'naughty children' behave when trying to get attention. The attention grabbing efforts are always negative and not positive. Is it possible this person has yet to learn these methods are not effective!

It is rally the classical "The Narcissist's Dilemma"

Those afflicted with this narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) show themselves woefully incapable of retaining any emotional poise, or receptivity.

Although narcissists don't (or won't) show it, all perceived criticism feels gravely threatening to them (the reason that their inflamed, over-the-top reactions to it can leave us so surprised and confused). Deep down, clinging desperately not simply to a positive but grandiose sense of self, they're compelled at all costs to block out any negative feedback about themselves. Their dilemma is that the rigidity of their defenses, their inability ever to let their guard down almost always guarantees that they'll never get what they most need, which they themselves are sadly--no, tragically--oblivious of.

To better grasp why narcissists are so ready to attack others and so unable to deal with being attacked themselves, it's useful to understand something about their childhood. People aren't born narcissistic--it's powerful environmental influences that cause them to become so.

Briefly, in growing up future narcissists had many reasons to doubt whether they were good enough. Neglected and ignored, or constantly disparaged and berated by their parents, they were held to unrealistically high standards of behavior. And their caretakers were quick to judge them whenever they failed to live up to such unreasonable, perfectionist expectations. As a result, they couldn't help but feel defective and insecure, doubting their fundamental worth as humans. In most instances, neither did they feel cared about or wanted. If narcissistic adults project an air of importance, superiority, entitlement, and grandiosity, it's a pronounced reaction (or over-reaction) to the massive self-doubt that, frankly, they keep well-hidden beneath the self-satisfied facade they present to others.

The narcissist's marked lack of accurate empathy for the feelings, wants, and needs of others is all too well known. But what is less appreciated is that this deficiency represents an unfortunate consequence of their growing up so preoccupied with their own frustrated needs--and emotional distress generally--that they could never develop sufficient sensitivity to others. Intensely driven to succeed, or at least see themselves as successful, their focus inevitably became myopic, pathologically self-centered. Others simply weren't in their line of (tunnel) vision.

Without any clear recognition of what's motivating them, in their relationships as adults they continue to seek the encouragement, support, and acceptance denied them earlier. Yet, however unconsciously, at the same time they've cultivated the strongest defenses against ever having to feel so excruciatingly vulnerable again. And so when they're criticized, or think they're being criticized (and they're definitely hyper-alert to the possibility), they're compelled to react aggressively, in the frantic effort to avoid re-experiencing the terrible feelings of loneliness, abandonment, or rejection they suffered when they were younger.

All of which indicates just how fragile their artificially bloated sense of self really is. Given the enormity of their defenses, they regard themselves not on a par with, but above others. Yet they're mortally threatened when anyone dares question their words or behavior. Ancient fears about not being acceptable are never that far from the surface, which is why narcissists must forever be on their guard with anyone who might disbelieve or doubt them. For any external expression of doubt can tap into their own self-doubts.

But the final cost of all the narcissist's efforts to ward off what constitutes for them the unbearable sting of criticism is immense. Though not consciously realized by them, their heart's deepest desire is to form an intimate bond with another that would successfully address the huge void their parents' denigration or neglect left in them. But because they're so strongly motivated to avoid re-experiencing this keenly felt hurt, their overpowering defenses prevent them from letting anyone get close enough to assist them in recovering from their pain. 

Blaming and excessively criticizing others to shore up an extraordinarily vulnerable ego, they keep others at a distance that renders any true intimacy impossible. The way they "set things up" in relationships, particularly intimate relationships, makes their self-created dilemma unsolvable. And if they're married, they can be expected to be especially hard on their spouse.

Recall that they need somehow to see themselves as perfect, for they can't perceive anything less than that as good enough for the critical parent they've internalized (who's now "immortalized" inside their own head). Consequently, they're made extremely uncomfortable whenever their mate--implicitly viewed as an extension, or reflection, of their idealized self--reveals an imperfection or makes a mistake. In that moment they experience an irresistible urge to dis-identify themselves from their partner, for their partner is now inextricably linked to parental disapproval and rejection. At such times, they can be extremely unkind--and yes, even brutal--in how they react to them.

In attempting to avoid any resurgence of the acute pain they once felt with their non-nurturant caretakers, they succeed only in muting--or burying--this pain. 

So it seems that these critics are more to be pitied than feared!

“It's easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It's a lot more difficult to perform one.” 
― Chuck Palahniuk

Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.
Frank A. Clark

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

Why we complain

One of the most common complaints is that people complain too much! Being such a common activity, it is worth examining why do people complain?

According to research, some of the reasons why people are too often prone to complaining are :

Sometimes We Need To "Vent": Like a shaken bottle of carbonated goodness, when we are under pressure, we can sometimes feel the urge to "explode" in complaints. Letting it all out can relieve the inner tension we feel from a difficult situation, and help us feel ready to face the next frustration. Sometimes we just need to blow off steam by expressing ourselves.

Validation Feels Good: Often when we are frustrated or feel wronged in some way, feeling emotional validation from another person is like a salve for our bruised egos. Hearing someone say, "I know how you feel. I'd be frustrated too!" can feel like a warm hug. After getting some quick validation, like scraped-up children who have just received a kiss from mom, we feel confident to venture back out and face our problems.

Solutions Can Feel Even Better: Approaching a problem as a team can pool the strengths of several people at once. Complaining to others about what is bothering you opens you up to their input, and perhaps some solutions you hadn't thought of. People often engage in complaining as a way to ask for help.

We May Need Another Perspective: When we are too close to a situation, it is common to see only our own perspective, and to see the problems we face as magnified and sometimes distorted. Sometimes it helps to tell a trusted friend what we are facing and see if there is something we're not seeing, or if there's a different way to look at the same situation. If we are open to hearing new input, it can be quite helpful to step outside of our own point of view, and see what others think of our complaints. Sometimes looking at something in a different way can dissolve our anger and frustrations, or can open up new solutions and possibilities for coping.

We May Need To Build Motivation: Sometimes we know we need to make a change, but simply aren't ready to take the risks and put in the effort quite yet. We need to build motivation. Focusing on what is difficult about a situation can be a way to build motivation to make a change. It's part of the process of getting there.

Complaining Gets Things Done: Just as "the squeaky wheel gets the oil," sometimes voicing one's complaints is a way to get things fixed. If you complain to someone who is in a position to make changes, and if you use a diplomatic approach, complaining in this way can be much more effective in relieving stress than can saying nothing, since the "polite complaint" approach can get results!

     

Complaining, however, can be damaging as well. When a few venting sessions turn into a continual habit, or a few people venting their frustrations turns into a group of constant complainers, we get into more stress-inducing territory. But remember while complaining can be a means to build motivation, it does tend to keep the focus on the problem rather than on potential solutions. If you spend too much time complaining, you can work yourself into a place of resigned acceptance, of sheer rage, or of feeling "stuck," rather than of motivation to change.

 Research shows that there are many benefits to an optimistic outlook, and pitfalls to apessimistic one. Attitudes can work like habits--we get used to thinking a certain way, and we start automatically taking that perspective. A habitual focus on the negative can bring a habitually pessimistic perspective. For when you focus on the things about which people chronically complain, you risk becoming more and more angry. This anger can take on a life of its own, and you can start feeling more angry about more and more things. This anger can lead to relationship and health issues, and is not good for you.

Unfortunately complaining can be contagious. What might start as a group of people offering one another validation and solidarity can sometimes begin to resemble an angry mob. If you find that you and your friends habitually complain about the same things and don't feel better afterwards, it may be time to look at new topics of focus.

    

The problems we complain about often need solutions, and the stress of these challenges must be minimized and managed. Clearly, complaining has some benefits and can be a way to relieve stress, in small doses. But excessive complaining about the problems, big or small, just isn't an effective solution. Cut out complaining, and you're much more likely to see the world with optimism and gratitude.

But how do you stop complaining? Here are some some strategies:

Thought-Stopping: This is a technique that many therapists recommend for a variety of issues, because it works well. When an undesirable thought enters your head, you literally interrupt it with the mental image of a stop sign or the word "stop!", and move on to a different thought.

Journaling: Writing in a journal brings many health and wellness-related benefits. This activity can also provide a great opportunity for venting frustrations, and keeping it to yourself. When you find that your hand is cramping, that can be a signal to start writing about more positive things. The trick to effective journaling is to write about the problem and your feelings about it, and then brainstorm solutions and see the positives in your situation.

Seeking Support: The support of trusted friends and family can be a wonderfully effective stress reliever. Hopefully, most of us are lucky enough to have some supportive and wise people in our lives to talk to when we're down. Instead of complaining to them (for too long), we can laugh with them. And sometimes a little complaining can bring validation or potential solutions, which make it easier to let go and move onto happier topics.

Remaining Grateful: Focusing on the positive things in life can be a wonderful distraction from the negatives. Building gratitude has been shown to be an effective tool for stress relief as well. And it's hard to complain when you're thinking about how lucky you are! 

Taking Action: The urge to complain comes from a dissatisfaction with something that's going on in one's life (often coupled with a feeling of inability to change it). Complaints can be a signal that action is needed, so the next time you feel the urge to complain, focus instead on possible plans to change your circumstances--even if you're not ready to act on them, having a short list right there can help you to move out of focusing on what has you feeling "stuck," and toward what will help you to feel better!

Cultivating Optimism: It's much easier to drop negative habits by replacing them with positive ones. Replacing negative thoughts and words with optimistic ones brings so many benefits, it's worth trying even if you're not planning on giving up complaining anytime soon. 

For Buddhist practitioners, several meditations act as healthy antidotes to the habit of complaining. Meditating on impermanence is a good start; seeing that everything is transient enables us to set our priorities wisely and determine what is important in life. It becomes clear that the petty things we complain about are not important in the long run, and we let them go.

Meditating on compassion is also helpful. When our mind is imbued with compassion, we don't see others as enemies or as obstacles to our happiness. Instead, we see that they do harmful actions because they wish to be happy but don't know the correct method for attaining happiness. They are, in fact, just like us: imperfect, limited sentient beings who want happiness and not suffering. Thus we can accept them as they are and seek to benefit them in the future. We see that our own happiness, in comparison to the problematic situations others' experience, is not so important. Thus we are able to view others with understanding and kindness, and automatically any inclination to complain about, blame, or judge them evaporates.

Meditating on the nature of cyclic existence is another antidote. Seeing that we and others are under the influence of ignorance, anger, and clinging attachment, we abandon idealistic visions that things should be a certain way. 

In his Guide to a Bodhisattva's Way of Life, Shantideva counsels us, "If something can be changed, work to change it. If it cannot, why worry, be upset, and complain?" 

Tribute to a friend

As I opened my email this morning, I got word that a friend of fifty years had passed away.

I first met K Bikram Singh when we joined the Indian civil service as probationers. We discussed politics and movies on our walks on Marine Drive after a days hard work. It was clear even then that Bikrams heart was not in his job but elsewhere. Films were his first, and perhaps only, love and he desperately wanted to follow his dream. But then he got married, had two children and became a householder worrying about his electricity bills. It took him a while but a few years later, he decided to resign from the civil service and follow his dreams. He was the first of my friends to take this gamble and all of us were rather amazed at his daring.

Over the next few years he had his ups and downs but he never gave up.  I remember I was posted in Bombay when Bikram was producing his first feature film “The New Delhi Times” and came  to our house to borrow furniture and various artifacts for his movie. You can still see his acknowledgement in the movie! Bikram was a true movie buff. I remember how he would tear apart every movie we saw and once waxing eloquent on the wrong lighting and camera angles in a porn movie.

For a few years we shared an apartment with another civil service probationer – Ravi Kant Shrivastava- who was to later become the chairman of Indian Income tax and we ran a house with a young trainee Babu who became our valet. But then I got a scholarship and left for the U.S and, as often happens, we lost track of each other. In early 1980s I was again posted to Bombay but by then Bikram was deep in his new lifestyle.  I remember a few years later, he had made a documentary on the only female "shamshan ghat" burner in India and passed on a dvd of his work for my comments. Durin my various visits to Delhi we would meet at his favourite haunt, the India International Center, and have a drink and reminisce about old times. I will dearly miss his company and his earnest discussion of whatever he was involved in.

He was an extremely talented artist and I am glad he followed his dreams.

Here is a fuller description of his lively  and fruitrful life:

“ Renowned filmmaker and critic K Bikram Singh, who had quit government service to take to his passion of making films, died yesterday after a prolonged liver complication.

Aged 75, Singh is survived by his wife Urmila, son Rishi and daughter Ruchi.

Born on 26 May 1938, Singh started his career in 1961 as a Lecturer in History.

He worked as a senior civil-servant with the Union Government from 1962 to 1983 in the Traffic and Planning departments of the Indian Railways, and later in the Directorate of Film Festivals as joint director and director of Film Policy in the Information and Broadcasting Ministry.

Because of his interest in cinema, he took voluntary retirement from government service in April 1983 and became a full time filmmaker.

His interest in serious cinema goes back to the 1960s when he became a member of 'Film Forum', a film society of Mumbai.

He produced ‘Andhi Gali’ by the filmmaker Buddhadeb Dasgupta where he was also associate director.

His production ‘New Delhi Times’ starring Shashi Kapoor directed by Ramesh Sharma in 1986 was in the Indian Panorama. ‘Tarpan’ made for the National Film Development Corporation in 1995, which he wrote, produced and directed, won the Aravindan Award for debut director and was a part of the Indian Panorama.

‘Tarpan’ was shown at Moscow, Montreal, and Chicago, apart from winning an award at Cairo.

Later in 1997, he assisted Basu Bhattacharya in the making of ‘Aastha’ starring Rekha with Om Puri and Dinesh Thakur.

He has produced and directed more than 60 documentaries. Some of these have participated in the International Film Festivals, in India and abroad. A few of his well-known documentaries/TV series are 'Contemporary Indian Painting', 'Greening of Ralegan Shindi' (On the work of environmentalist Anna Sahib Hazare), 'In Search of Limelight' (On the Junior Artistes of film industry), 'Bonded Labour', 'Looking Beyond' (a tourism series), 'Satyajit Ray: Introspections', 'Jhilmili Story' (on the empowerment of rural women) and 'A Painters Portrait' (a 13 part series on contemporary Indian painters).

'Satyajit Ray: Introspections' that was completed in 1990 was his personal tribute to Satyajit Ray. This has been shown in several countries including Japan, Australia, Sri Lanka, France, U.K. and U.S.A. and was in the Indian Panorama Section of India's International Film Festival in 1991. Museum of Modern Art, New York (MOMA) has acquired the non-theatrical rights of this film for U.S.A. and Canada.

He was also an author and a veteran film critic.

Singh had a deep interest in issues relating to environment and tourism. He made more than 20 documentaries related to environmental and social issues. Some of these are 'Rebirth', 'A Friendly Place' (1997) and 'Roots of Datia'. This film on the natural regeneration of barren land was awarded Special Jury Prize at the Romaninan Film Festival, 1998. The theme and story outline of his television serial,'Kahin Ek Gaon' produced in 1995-96 was conceived by him in 1987-88 while shooting the documentary 'Greening of Relegan Shindi'. This deals with the environmental regeneration of a village in Maharastra, led by the well-known environmentalist Anna Saheb Hazere.

In 1988-89 he had made a 10 part series on the lesser-known destinations of tourists interest called Musafir for Doordarshan. An year later he collaborated with the well known travel writers Hugh and Collen Grantzer to make a six part series called Looking Beyond for tourism promotion for Doordarshan. He has made two films for the Department of Tourism , Govt. of India called Musafir (1992) and The Hill Trail (1993) and two films for the Department of Tourism, Govt. of Rajasthan called Mewar a Living Legend and The Desert Triangle.

During 1993-94 he researched, directed and produced a 12 part video series on the 'Story of Indian Painting'. This was followed by a 13 parts series called 'A Painters Portrait' on 13 contemporary Indian painters. In 1997 he made an hour-long video film on 'Glimpses of indian Painting' for the Ministry of External Affairs and in the same year made another hour-long film on 'Progressive Artists Group' featuring Souza, Raza, Hussain, Ara, Bakre and Gade for the National Gallery of Modern Art (NGMA). This was followed by another film for the NGMA on the art of printmaking called 'The Art of Multiple Originals' in 2002 and a film on the painter K G Subramanyan called 'A Rabbit's Leap In the Moonlight' in 2004. The critics have hailed theses films as landmark works on contemporary Indian painting.

In 1999-94 he did an eight part series called 'Kavita Shati' and another four part series called 'Kavi Aur Kavita' on the contemporary Hindi poets for Mahatma Gandhi Antarrastriya Hindi Viswavidyalaya. He has also made film for the the two eminent Hindi poets Kedarnath Singh and Kunwar Narain.

In 1995 he produced and dircted a telvision feature film called 'Srijan' on the theme of environment and rural development. This has been shown on Doordarshan i.e. Indian national television feature film called 'Srijan' on the theme of environment and rural development.

In 1997-98 he produced and directed a television series called 'Without Malice' for Star TV. This is a satirical review of the history of post-Independent India (1947-1998) through published political cartoons. This series has received very wide critical notices in the press.

In 2001, he completed a video documentary on Lester James Peries, the celebrated Sri Lankan film director called 'The World of Peries'. Apart from exploring his work as filmmaker this film also deals with the lifelong friendship of Peries with Satyajit Ray. In the same year he made another video documentary called 'Of Life And Death' for the Public Service Broadcasting Trust (PSBT) that explores the meaning of life, death and immortality in contemporary times. Both these were in the Competitive Section of Mumbai International Film Festival 2002. Since then he has made two more films for PSBT 'A Middle Class Rebellion' (2002) on changing values of Indian middle class and 'Passing On' (2003) that deals with the problem of transmitting the folk music tradition of the Langa and Manganiyar communities of Rajasthan, to the next generation.

He was President of North India Films Association, Member Central Selection Panel for the Featdure Films for Indian Panorama Section of the Indian International Film Festival (1991), Chairman, Selection Panel for the Non-Feature Films of Indian Panorama (1992), and Chairman, Short Films Jury for the NISCORT Film Festival (1999). He was the member of the Selection Panel for films for the 8th Mumbai International Film Festival for Documentary, Short and Animation films (2004). He is a life member of Indian Film Director's Association, member of Indian Documentary Producer's Association, Western India Film Producer's Association and Indian Film Writers Association.”

He wrote a fortnightly column on life, literature and the arts called BIMB PARTIBIMB in the major Hindi daily Jansatta. Cine Arts India Arts India was his proprietary concern for making film and video productions.

What a long and fruitful life. Rest in peace, my friend.

What will really change the world

Every year, MIT Technology  Review  picks the ten technologies most likely to change the world. Here is their list for 2013:

How does MIT choose the 10 technologies? They want them to reflect the full range of interests, which uniquely amongst technology media companies encompass every domain: information technology, communications, energy, biomedicine, materials, and so on. But, even more, they are interested in how technologies can solve really hard problems. They look first for difficulty: they select problems whose intractability is a source of frustration, grief, or comedy and whose solution will expand human possibilities. The breakthroughs are variously mature. Although they insist that every technology possess some plausible path to widespread use, some are still in the lab, some are in commercial development, and others are being sold by companies.

This list of 10 breakthrough technologies is, however, entirely subjective. There is no nomination process, nor panels of distinguished judges. The 10 technologies are an expression of our preferences and emphases, and they grow out of our reporting over the previous year.

Deep Learning

With massive amounts of computational power, machines can now recognize objects and translate speech in real time. Artificial intelligence is finally getting smart.

Temporary Social Media

Messages that quickly self-destruct could enhance the privacy of online communications and make people freer to be spontaneous.

Prenatal DNA Sequencing

Reading the DNA of fetuses will be the next frontier of the genomic revolution. But do you really want to know about the genetic problems or musical aptitude of your unborn child?

Additive Manufacturing

Skeptical about 3-D printing? GE, the world’s largest manufacturer, is on the verge of using the technology to make jet parts.

Baxter: The Blue-Collar Robot

Rodney Brooks’s newest creation is easy to interact with, but the complex innovations behind the robot show just how hard it is to get along with people.

Memory Implants

A maverick neuroscientist believes he has deciphered the code by which the brain forms long-term memories. The project is to restore the ability to create long-term memories in patients with severe memory problems by putting silicon chips inside their heads.Next: testing a prosthetic implant for people suffering from long-term memory loss.A little speculation suggests that memory implants might one day make a person more memorious than she was by nature, or preserve her plasticity late into life (so that, as an old woman, she could learn new languages or skills with the ease of toddler), or provide yet more science-fictional capabilities.

Smart Watches

The designers of the Pebble watch realized that a mobile phone is more useful if you don’t have to take it out of your pocket.

Ultra-Efficient Solar Power

Doubling the efficiency of a solar cell would completely change the economics of renewable energy. Nanotechnology just might make it possible.

Big Data from Cheap Phones

Collecting and analyzing information from simple cell phones can provide surprising insights into how people move about and behave – and even help us understand the spread of diseases.

Supergrids

A new high-power circuit breaker could finally make highly efficient DC power grids practical.

As in all cases let us look back on what they predicted in the past: In 2001, they predicted for example:

Egg Stem Cells

A recent discovery could increase older women's chances of having babies.

Ultra-Efficient Solar

Under the right circumstances, solar cells from Semprius could produce power more cheaply than fossil fuels.

Light-Field Photography

Lytro reinvented the camera so that it can evolve faster.

Solar Microgrids

Village-scale DC grids provide power for lighting and cell phones.

3-D Transistors

Intel creates faster and more energy-efficient processors.

A Faster Fourier Transform

A mathematical upgrade promises a speedier digital world.

Nanopore Sequencing

Simple and direct analysis of DNA will make genetic testing routine in more situations.

Crowdfunding

Kickstarter is funding the commercialization of new technologies.

High-Speed Materials Discovery

A new way to identify battery materials suitable for mass production could revolutionize energy storage.

Facebook's Timeline

The social-networking company is collecting and analyzing consumer data on an unprecedented scale.

And just five years ago, 2008,the prediction ere for:

Top of Form

Year:  

Bottom of Form

Modeling Surprise 

Combining massive quantities of data, insights into human psychology, and machine learning can help manage surprising events, says Eric Horvitz.

Probabilistic Chips 

Krishna Palem thinks a little uncertainty in chips could extend battery life in mobile devices--and maybe the duration of Moore's Law, too.

NanoRadio 

Alex Zettl's tiny radios, built from nanotubes, could improve everything from cell phones to medical diagnostics.

Wireless Power 

Physicist Marin Soljacic is working toward a world of wireless electricity.

Atomic Magnetometers 

John Kitching's tiny magnetic-field sensors will take MRI where it's never gone before.

Offline Web Applications 

Adobe's Kevin Lynch believes that computing applications will become more powerful when they take advantage of the browser and the desktop.

Graphene Transistors 

A new form of carbon being pioneered by Walter de Heer of Georgia Tech could lead to speedy, compact computer processors.

Connectomics 

Jeff Lichtman hopes to elucidate brain development and disease with new technologies that illuminate the web of neural circuits.

Reality Mining 

Sandy Pentland is using data gathered by cell phones to learn about human behavior.

Cellulolytic Enzymes 

Frances Arnold is designing better enzymes for making biofuels from cellulose.