Stop talking, be happy

The quiet people often tend to be ignored in our extroverted cultures. But are we missing something ? The fact is that introverts form the backbone of our societies and we ignore them at our peril.
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 Quiet , a new book by Susan Cain, shows how dramatically we undervalue introverts, and how much we lose in doing so. Passionately argued, impressively researched, and filled with indelible stories of real people, she takes the reader on a journey from Dale Carnegie’s birthplace to Harvard Business School, from a Tony Robbins seminar to an evangelical megachurch, and charts the rise of the Extrovert Ideal in the twentieth century and explores its far-reaching effects. She talks to Asian-American students who feel alienated from the brash, backslapping atmosphere of American schools. She questions the dominant values of American business culture, where forced collaboration can stand in the way of innovation, and where the leadership potential of introverts is often overlooked. And she draws on cutting-edge research in psychology and neuroscience to reveal the surprising differences between extroverts and introverts.

Cain begins her account by establishing that Western culture has increasingly adopted an ‘Extrovert Ideal,’ in which louder, bolder, more effervescent and risk-friendly individuals are valued over and above the quieter, more reserved, contemplative and heed-friendly ones. While Western culture has a long history of favoring the extrovert, she argues that this bias has steepened since the industrial revolution, and particularly in the past century as the West has become ever-more urbanized and commercial. Over the course of this time-frame, a Culture of Personality, perhaps best represented by the motivational guru Tony Robbins, has come to replace a Culture of Character, best represented by such figures as Abraham Lincoln.

But introverts have an important role to play in many areas of society that is now often being overlooked. For one, the introvert’s greater willingness to listen to others and their input makes them better leaders than is generally recognized. Second, their heed-friendly temperaments serves to better protect them against dangerous situations, and makes them particularly valuable in such professions as financial investing, where undue risk is not only known to get individuals in trouble, but entire nations, and even the entire international community. Third, the fact that introverts tend to have a heightened moral sense makes them well-suited to fill the role of the social conscience of society, which is often valuable in protecting the downtrodden, and also in saving societies from their own recklessness. Finally, the added thoughtfulness and persistence of introverts, and their heightened capacity to work independently, often gives them an edge in creative enterprises such as art and technological innovation, as well as in more intellectual industries such as science and engineering.

 Indeed, there is plenty of evidence to show that some of the best and most creative ideas do in fact come from the ranks of the introverted : just consider some of the prominent names: Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Vincent Van Gogh, W.B. Yeats, Frederic Chopin, Marcel Proust, T.S. Eliot, J.M. Barrie, George Orwell, Theodor Geisel (Dr. Seusss), Charles Schulz, Steven Spielberg, Larry Page, Bill Gates and J.K. Rowling. 

Aside from these introvert superstars, numerous scientific studies reveal that these shining examples are no fluke. For instance, in a study performed between 1956 and 1962 out of the University of California, Berkeley, researchers “assembled a list of architects, mathematicians, scientists, engineers, and writers who had made major contributions to their fields, and invited them to Berkeley for a weekend of personality tests, problem solving experiments, and probing questions”. The researchers also followed this study up with a study that looked at the most creative people from a wide assortment of less heralded professions. As Cain reports, “one of the most interesting findings, echoed by later studies, was that the more creative people tended to be socially poised introverts. They were interpersonally skilled but ‘not of an especially sociable or participative temperament.’ They described themselves as independent and individualistic 

It seems that only about 25% of people are Introverts. Here are a few common misconceptions about Introverts:

Myth #1 – Introverts don’t like to talk.
This is not true. Introverts just don’t talk unless they have something to say. They hate small talk. Get an introvert talking about something they are interested in, and they won’t shut up for days.

Myth #2 – Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with being an Introvert. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of people. What they need is a reason to interact. They don’t interact for the sake of interacting. If you want to talk to an Introvert, just start talking. Don’t worry about being polite.

Myth #3 – Introverts are rude.
Introverts often don’t see a reason for beating around the bush with social pleasantries. They want everyone to just be real and honest. Unfortunately, this is not acceptable in most settings, so Introverts can feel a lot of pressure to fit in, which they find exhausting.

Myth #4 – Introverts don’t like people.
On the contrary, Introverts intensely value the few friends they have. They can count their close friends on one hand. If you are lucky enough for an introvert to consider you a friend, you probably have a loyal ally for life. Once you have earned their respect as being a person of substance, you’re in.

Myth #5 – Introverts don’t like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts just don’t like to go out in public FOR AS LONG. They also like to avoid the complications that are involved in public activities. They take in data and experiences very quickly, and as a result, don’t need to be there for long to “get it.” They’re ready to go home, recharge, and process it all. In fact, recharging is absolutely crucial for Introverts.

Myth #6 – Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts are perfectly comfortable with their own thoughts. They think a lot. They daydream. They like to have problems to work on, puzzles to solve. But they can also get incredibly lonely if they don’t have anyone to share their discoveries with. They crave an authentic and sincere connection with ONE PERSON at a time.

Myth #7 – Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don’t follow the crowd. They’d prefer to be valued for their novel ways of living. They think for themselves and because of that, they often challenge the norm. They don’t make most decisions based on what is popular or trendy.

Myth #8 – Introverts are aloof nerds.
Introverts are people who primarily look inward, paying close attention to their thoughts and emotions. It’s not that they are incapable of paying attention to what is going on around them, it’s just that their inner world is much more stimulating and rewarding to them.

Myth #9 – Introverts don’t know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts typically relax at home or in nature, not in busy public places. Introverts are not thrill seekers and adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talking and noise going on, they shut down. Their brains are too sensitive to the neurotransmitter called Dopamine. Introverts and Extroverts have different dominant neuro-pathways. Just look it up.

Myth #10 – Introverts can fix themselves and become Extroverts.
A world without Introverts would be a world with few scientists, musicians, artists, poets, filmmakers, doctors, mathematicians, writers, and philosophers. But no, introverts can't become backslapping extroverts and why should they ?

The culture that we live in may be tilted towards the extrovert at the expense of the introvert, but it is still possible for the introvert to use their skills and wiles to carve out a fruitful and happy life for themselves. It just takes a little understanding, a little know-how, and the will to make it happen.