anil

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Things to do before you die


In recent days, it has become popular to write about 100 things to do, or 100 places to visit, or 50 exotic foods to eat before you die. Facebook is full of individuals listing the countries they have visited or foods they have eaten as if that was really the end all of achievements. Look at lists of “100 Things to Do Before You Die,” and you’ll find them dominated by exotic sensations of one kind or another (“Skydive”; “Shower in a waterfall”; “Eat jellied eels from a stall in London”).
As you can see the emphasis is on the consumerist pleasures, high and low. Really? But is this the best we can do? Are these the pinnacle of our lives achievements? Would you be thinking about all these visits and foods when you are on your deathbed and contemplating the content of your life. Is this is what it’s all about? Are these things that really make our lives worth living?
When I think about what really makes me happy, what I really crave, I come up with a very different list as would you if you really sat down and thought about what life really means. Some of greatest pleasures in life come from concentrated, purposeful work, especially creative work. A new idea or concept brings far greater joy than eating a jellied eel. Is there a greater pleasure than being with people you love? Have you ever dandled your grandchild on your lap and not felt that there is no greater joy in the world? Or what about the feeling you get when you are part of something larger and are contributing, howsoever minutely, to the greater good.
A nurse who worked a lifetime in palliative care talked about the greatest regrets that men had towards the end of their lives. Here are the most common five:  “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. I wish I didn't work so hard. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. I wish that I had let myself be happier. “

As William Deresiewicz, an essayist and critic says “ meaning, connectedness, doing strenuously what you do well: not sights, not thrills, and not even pleasures, as welcome as they are. Not passivity, not letting the world come in and tickle you, but creativity, curiosity, altruism, engagement, craft. Raising children, or teaching students, or hanging out with friends. Playing music, not listening to it. Making things, or making them happen. Thinking hard and feeling deeply.” These are the things to aspire for.
And remember none of these involve spending money, except in an ancillary way. None of which, in other words, are consumer experiences. Our idea of the self has increasingly become a consumerist one, which means a passive and diminished one. But the pleasures of the body are as nothing to the joys of the soul.
So when you start making your lists of things to do before you die, think hard of what really gives you true and lasting joy.

1 comment:

  1. Hi Anil,
    How true your observations are!! I had never really sat down and thought about the things I want to do before I die, but after having read your blog shall give the matter much more attention. Having said that, I must confess that the observations are relevant to 'people like us' for I think the consumerist preference for things depends on who you are addressing and i think it comes from having been deprived of them earlier. So to say that 'the pleasures of the body are nothing compared to those of the soul' might not be true in every case. I am sure that somebody who has had to struggle all his working life to provide for his family would have a wishlist that is more consumerist in its perception than the other way around.
    Kit

    ReplyDelete