The death of shame

Webster's New World College Dictionary defines shame as a painful feeling of having lost the respect of others because of the improper behavior, incompetence, etc. of oneself or another; or as a dishonor or disgrace. People have been complaining about other people’s manners since the beginning of civilization and yet rude and immoral people have still somehow managed to flourish everywhere.

Recently ND Tiwari , governor of Andhra Pradesh and once considered as a potential prime minister of India, was caught in bed with three women – not one, not two but three. When caught he denied it and then complained that it was the result of opposition traps. There was neither an admission of guilt nor a hint of shame.. Fortunately, the body politic was suitably outraged that he was removed without delay.

These incidents of public servants have become all too common place and only rarely do they lead to a public humiliation or some degree of effective outrage.

It is true that in 2008, when the New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer was caught fooling around on his wife with a high-priced escort named Ashley Dupre, he did resign. But his replacement, David Paterson, who admitted to numerous affairs -- as well as marijuana and cocaine use – was sworn in as a governor of the largest state in the US shortly thereafter. Another governor, Mark Sanford of South Caroline, who was caught in an extramarital affair, rather than resign with whatever shred of dignity he had left, brazenly addressed the entire nation in a bizarre news conference that involved tears, true confessions, and apologies to nearly everyone he ever met. But he opted to remain as governor.. Not to be outdone, senators like Vitter and Ensign even when caught in dalliances, brazenly refused to resign and the press, true to its short term memory, gave them a pass and they still routinely opine on all matters moral and immoral. Not only that like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Lindsay Lohan, these public figures have become richer from behaving like tramps.

Even outside the steamy world of celebrity sex-capades, shame has become an outmoded concept. No longer is there any shame in staying on welfare or having a child out of wedlock. There is no shame in being just a mediocre student in school. Elbows on the dinner table and interrupting are accepted. We can talk and text in the movies -- and screaming at someone in public is OK. We put up with crude, even filthy, language on the radio, in music, and more and more on television. Four letter words and worse, is heard everywhere, every day. Coarse behavior is considered acceptable with people shouting “liar” at the president within the house. Senators, who should know better, routinely decry the opposition party members as traitors and some even wish that they would die before casting a vote!

We teach our kids that self-esteem is something entitled simply because one exists. We tell children that they are all great kids and they deserve to be appreciated just the way they are. Perhaps a little old-fashioned shame could serve us well. This is not to advocate a return to the harsh judgments of yesteryear. No one wants to see someone tarred and feathered for making poor choices or behaving badly -- but perhaps just a wee touch of accountability could have some positive effects.

The sense of shame is a kind of cement in any decent society. The fear of shame reminds each of us that some things must not be done. You don't become a criminal because you would bring shame to your family. You don't employ muscle against the weak. You don't beat up women or prey on the old. You don't father children and then abandon them. You don't cheat or swindle because exposure would coat you with the tar of shame. You don't preach high ideals and live a lie. But it's clear that we are now awash in shamelessness. It's clear that the sense of shame needs to be revived and the shameless held to account.

It is time to start being judgmental and critical of actions that are considered immoral or wrong by society. What's wrong with shaking one's head or uttering a well-placed, "tsk, tsk," or even telling someone you don't want to hear bad language? What is to prevent the press from giving publicity to these hacks and ill-mannered boors? I, for one, would be very happy if the Washington Post would stop writing series on idiots like Salahis or Tom Coburns. Good riddance, I say, to all of them. Take your filth and meanness somewhere else and not on national TV or papers—just take them away.

For as Salman Rushdie points out “shame is like everything else; live with it for long enough and it becomes part of the furniture.”