Some weeks ago I had written about an experiment- a risky one at that - that I had undertaken to try and get off dialysis. I had been on dialysis for almost three months and the toxic levels in my blood seemed to have come down sufficiently to venture on this experiment. I had written about this decision in my blog "rocking the boat".
But in the last two weeks , my weight had dropped 10 lbs, the nausea had returned with a vengence, my appetite had all but disappeared and I was growing weaker by the day. Dr b was concerned and ordered me to a a nearby hospital for a round the clock monitoring. In three days they hoped to pump in necessary fluids into my body so that I would be strong enough to undertake dialysis. Yes that is how weak I had become
Two weeks ago, I had been elated with the prospect of returning to a more normal life, but this elation has now been cut short. Alas that was not to be. Yesterday the new numbers showed that the toxics were back and the continuing the experiment would have been both dangerous and foolhardy. So we curtailed the experiment and I am now back on my old regime of dialysis three times a week.
So was this experiment worth the risk. Well, we did learn a great deal from this brief experiment: one, that getting off dialysis did not adversely affect the heart, two, that the rate of build up of the toxins was not excessive and three that this experiment could be repeated in the future when the body was sufficiently strong and robust.
But I am now going home and to dialysis
I am now readjusting once again to the new routine. But there is a sense of loss that we did not succeed. I can now understand how experimenters felt when one of their theories did not pan out.
But in the last two weeks , my weight had dropped 10 lbs, the nausea had returned with a vengence, my appetite had all but disappeared and I was growing weaker by the day. Dr b was concerned and ordered me to a a nearby hospital for a round the clock monitoring. In three days they hoped to pump in necessary fluids into my body so that I would be strong enough to undertake dialysis. Yes that is how weak I had become
Two weeks ago, I had been elated with the prospect of returning to a more normal life, but this elation has now been cut short. Alas that was not to be. Yesterday the new numbers showed that the toxics were back and the continuing the experiment would have been both dangerous and foolhardy. So we curtailed the experiment and I am now back on my old regime of dialysis three times a week.
So was this experiment worth the risk. Well, we did learn a great deal from this brief experiment: one, that getting off dialysis did not adversely affect the heart, two, that the rate of build up of the toxins was not excessive and three that this experiment could be repeated in the future when the body was sufficiently strong and robust.
But I am now going home and to dialysis
I am now readjusting once again to the new routine. But there is a sense of loss that we did not succeed. I can now understand how experimenters felt when one of their theories did not pan out.
| I understand that every now and then a person has to feel like a failure in order to turn it around. Sometimes you have to have a break down before it can turn into a break through Several years ago I started noticing that I wasn't happy. I was ill more often than was O.K. with me and I seemed to only find pleasure in writing. I began asking, "Whatever happened to my joy? I must have had some joy in my life at some point. But where has it gone?
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