The lost art of conversation

They say conversation is an art. And like any other art, it demands of its practitioners a sustained commitment to observe certain informal, yet indispensable, conditions. This in turn requires a relatively considerable measure of self-discipline, for the activity of conversation consists of conditions toward which our inclinations do not readily gravitate. For the conditions of conversation need rules of civility, prescriptions for all who venture to engage in it to act honestly and charitably toward one another.

Ironically, as advances in telecommunications increase , people’s ability to converse or even communicate is rapidly degenerating. This trend is especially true among the vast majority of young people who spend their lives “speaking” to each other through instant messaging, “grammarless” blurbs of text messaging, and short comments on social networking sites, such as Myspace and Facebook.

The rules of conversation are of a formal character, so they are indifferent to the content of the conversation, and if the conversation involves an exchange between contrary views, it is equally indifferent as to which of the two (or more) views is most plausible or correct. There is a difference between a conversation and a debate. 


The value of debate, like the value of war, is derivative or extrinsic: both are a means to the end of victory, a goal believed to be superior to and independent of the activities that bring it to fruition. In contrast, the value of conversation is intrinsic to itself: it has no external end for the sake of which it is undertaken and in which it promises to achieve its culmination. It is its own end. While debate is an inherently adversarial activity in that the principle objective of the participants is to exploit their opponents’ weaknesses so as to reap benefits for themselves, conversation is an act of mutual self-sharing through which the alienation of each interlocutor from the other is overcome. 

Actors in a debate are “opponents,” but in a conversation they are neither “opponents” nor “allies.” but rather colleagues


 For the participants in a conversation are united by their shared commitment to the conversation-- the observance of the rules prescribing honesty and charity. Their goal, if conversation can be said to have a goal at all, is to keep the conversation going. 

There is another consideration that no discussion of conversation can afford to omit. The requirements of honesty and charity are inseparable from a willingness to genuinely listen to one’s interlocutor.

Americans and Indians are a loquacious people. The “information age” has exponentially increased the number of opportunities for communication, opportunities of which they have spared no occasion to avail themselves. We are constantly talking to others, whether in person, on our cell phones, or via e-mail and/or instant messaging. Perhaps it is because talking is at such a premium in our society that it is widely and almost invariably assumed that those who are most “talkative” are the best “conversationalists.” Whatever the reasons for this assumption, it is a misconception of the worst sort. 


While it is impossible for a person who seldom -- if ever -- speaks more than a few words at any given time to practice, let alone master, the art of conversation, an exceptionally talkative person is likely to have no less difficult a time of doing so. A propensity to talk is necessary for conversation, but it is far from sufficient. Unless we show a willingness to listen to what our partners in conversation have to say, conversation rapidly degenerates into an episode of self-aggrandizement. Those who are incessantly chatty love to hear themselves speak, but their excessive self-love comes at the cost of repelling others. We’re talking at each other rather than with each other.

The problem is that all of this talk comes at the expense of conversation. 
Conversations, as they tend to play out in person, are messy—full of pauses and interruptions and topic changes and assorted awkwardness. But the messiness is what allows for true exchange. It gives participants the time—and, just as important, the permission—to think and react and glean insights. “You can’t always tell, in a conversation, when the interesting bit is going to come,” Turkle says. “It’s like dancing: slow, slow, quick-quick, slow. You know? It seems boring, but all of a sudden there’s something, and whoa.” Occasional dullness, in other words, is to be not only expected, but celebrated. Some of the best parts of conversation are, as Turkle puts it, “the boring bits.” In software terms, they’re features rather than bugs.

The logic of conversation as it plays out across the Internet, however—the into-the-ether observations and the never-ending feeds and the many, many selfies—is fundamentally different, favoring showmanship over exchange, flows over ebbs. The Internet is always on. And it’s always judging you, watching you, goading you. True conversation needs us to look into each other’s eyes as we talk. We need to read each other’s movements.

Today it seems that everybody’s talking but  nobody’s is conversing.  For a conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue. 

As usual the Bard said it best: "Conversation should be pleasant without scurrility, witty without affectation, free without indecency, learned without conceitedness, novel without falsehood" 

Do elephants have souls?

A most absorbing article on elephants worth a read !

{http://www.thenewatlantis.com/publications/do-elephants-have-souls}

James Bond -- new research?

The british medical journal decides to research James bonds heroics and his reliance on alcohol. Their conclusions and recommendations.

Excess alcohol consumption is a societal and health problem throughout the world. Around 4% of deaths worldwide are related to alcohol, with 2.5 million deaths a year attributable to its use.. Death is most commonly caused by injury, liver cirrhosis, poisoning, and malignancy. In the entertainment world, however, excess alcohol consumption is often portrayed in a positive, even glamorous, light. Of particular note are the drinking habits of James Bond, the quintessential British spy in the novels of Ian Fleming. He is renowned for enjoying cigarettes, alcohol, and women, with a catchphrase of “vodka martini—shaken, not stirred.”

James Bond has often been seen as a strong role model. He is admired for his performance under pressure and his ability to be master of all situations he encounters. We were struck, while reading the original James Bond books, that his alcohol consumption seemed rather high and wondered whether he would realistically have the capacity to perform (in all aspects of his life ) at his high level of alcohol intake. Previous analyses of Bond’s drinking behaviour have examined the types of alcohol he has drunk and the total number of drinks but have never studied the number of units of alcohol this represents and the potential health effects of this.

Ideally vodka martinis should be stirred, not shaken. That Bond would make such an elementary mistake in his preferences seemed incongruous with his otherwise impeccable mastery of culinary etiquette. We examined Bond’s alcohol consumption to determine whether he might have been unable to stir his drinks because of the persistent shaking of alcohol induced tremor, making it more socially acceptable to ask for his drinks “shaken, not stirred.”

Objective  of research: To quantify James Bond’s consumption of alcohol as detailed in the series of novels by Ian Fleming.

Design Retrospective literature review.

Setting The study authors’ homes, in a comfy chair.

Participants Commander James Bond, 007; Mr Ian Lancaster Fleming.

Main outcome measures Weekly alcohol consumption by Commander Bond.

Methods All 14 James Bond books were read by two of the authors. Contemporaneous notes were taken detailing every alcoholic drink taken. Predefined alcohol unit levels were used to calculate consumption. Days when Bond was unable to consume alcohol (such as through incarceration) were noted.

Results After exclusion of days when Bond was unable to drink, his weekly alcohol consumption was 92 units a week, over four times the recommended amount. His maximum daily consumption was 49.8 units. He had only 12.5 alcohol free days out of 87.5 days on which he was able to drink.

Conclusions James Bond’s level of alcohol intake puts him at high risk of multiple alcohol related diseases and an early death. The level of functioning as displayed in the books is inconsistent with the physical, mental, and indeed sexual functioning expected from someone drinking this much alcohol. We advise an immediate referral for further assessment and treatment, a reduction in alcohol consumption to safe levels, and suspect that the famous catchphrase “shaken, not stirred” could be because of alcohol induced tremor affecting his hands.

The virtues of failure

( the article is by coatica a bradatan)

If there was ever a time to think seriously about failure, it is now.

We are firmly in an era of accelerated progress. We are witness to advancements in science, the arts, technology, medicine and nearly all forms of human achievement at a rate never seen before. We know more about the workings of the human brain and of distant galaxies than our ancestors could imagine. The design of a superior kind of human being – healthier, stronger, smarter, more handsome, more enduring – seems to be in the works. Even immortality may now appear feasible, a possible outcome of better and better biological engineering.

Certainly the promise of continual human progress and improvement is alluring. But there is a danger there, too — that in this more perfect future, failure will become obsolete.

Why should we care? And more specifically, why should philosophy care about failure? Doesn’t it have better things to do? The answer is simple: Philosophy is in the best position to address failure because it knows it intimately. The history of Western philosophy at least is nothing but a long succession of failures, if productive and fascinating ones. 

Any major philosopher typically asserts herself by addressing the “failures,” “errors,” “fallacies” or “naiveties” of other philosophers, only to be, in turn, dismissed by others as yet another failure. Every new philosophical generation takes it as its duty to point out the failures of the previous one; it is as though, no matter what it does, philosophy is doomed to fail. Yet from failure to failure, it has thrived over the centuries. As Emmanuel Levinas memorably put it , “the best thing about philosophy is that it fails.” Failure, it seems, is what philosophy feeds on, what keeps it alive. As it were, philosophy succeeds only in so far as it fails.

Failure is significant for several reasons. 

First, failure allows us to see our existence in its naked condition.

Whenever it occurs, failure reveals just how close our existence is to its opposite. Out of our survival instinct, or plain sightlessness, we tend to see the world as a solid, reliable, even indestructible place. And we find it extremely difficult to conceive of that world existing without us. “It is entirely impossible for a thinking being to think of its own non-existence, of the termination of its thinking and life,” observed Goethe. Self-deceived as we are, we forget how close to not being we always are. The failure of, say, a plane engine could be more than enough to put an end to everything; even a falling rock or a car’s faulty brakes can do the job. And while it may not be always fatal, failure always carries with it a certain degree of existential threat.

Failure is the sudden irruption of nothingness into the midst of existence. To experience failure is to start seeing the cracks in the fabric of being, and that’s precisely the moment when, properly digested, failure turns out to be a blessing in disguise. For it is this lurking, constant threat that should make us aware of the extraordinariness of our being: the miracle that we exist at all when there is no reason that we should. Knowing that gives us some dignity.

In this role, failure also possesses a distinct therapeutic function. Most of us (the most self-aware or enlightened excepted) suffer chronically from a poor adjustment to existence; we compulsively fancy ourselves much more important than we are and behave as though the world exists only for our sake; in our worst moments, we place ourselves like infants at the center of everything and expect the rest of the universe to be always at our service. We insatiably devour other species, denude the planet of life and fill it with trash. Failure could be a medicine against such arrogance and hubris, as it often brings humility.

Our capacity to fail is essential to what we are.

We need to preserve, cultivate, even treasure this capacity. It is crucial that we remain fundamentally imperfect, incomplete, erring creatures; in other words, that there is always a gap left between what we are and what we can be. Whatever human accomplishments there have been in history, they have been possible precisely because of this empty space. It is within this interval that people, individuals as well as communities, can accomplish anything. Not that we’ve turned suddenly into something better; we remain the same weak, faulty material. But the spectacle of our shortcomings can be so unbearable that sometimes it shames us into doing a little good. Ironically, it is the struggle with our own failings that may bring the best in us.

The gap between what we are and what we can be is also the space in which utopias are conceived. Utopian literature, at its best, may document in detail our struggle with personal and societal failure. While often constructed in worlds of excess and plenitude, utopias are a reaction to the deficits and precariousness of existence; they are the best expression of what we lack most. Thomas More’s book is not so much about some imaginary island, but about the England of his time. Utopias may look like celebrations of human perfection, but read in reverse they are just spectacular admissions of failure, imperfection and embarrassment.

And yet it is crucial that we keep dreaming and weaving utopias. If it weren’t for some dreamers, we would live in a much uglier world today. But above all, without dreams and utopias we would dry out as a species. Suppose one day science solves all our problems: We will be perfectly healthy, live indefinitely, and our brains, thanks to some enhancement, will work like a computer. On that day we may be something very interesting, but I am not sure we will have what to live for. We will be virtually perfect and essentially dead.

Ultimately, our capacity to fail makes us what we are; our being as essentially failing creatures lies at the root of any aspiration. Failure, fear of it and learning how to avoid it in the future are all part of a process through which the shape and destiny of humanity are decided. That’s why, as I hinted earlier, the capacity to fail is something that we should absolutely preserve, no matter what the professional optimists say. Such a thing is worth treasuring, even more so than artistic masterpieces, monuments or other accomplishments. For, in a sense, the capacity to fail is much more important than any individual human achievements: It is that which makes them possible.

We are designed to fail.

No matter how successful our lives turn out to be, how smart, industrious or diligent we are, the same end awaits us all: “biological failure.” The “existential threat” of that failure has been with us all along, though in order to survive in a state of relative contentment, most of us have pretended not to see it. Our pretense, however, has never stopped us from moving toward our destination; faster and faster, “in inverse ratio to the square of the distance from death,” as Tolstoy’s Ivan Ilyich expertly describes the process. Yet Tolstoy’s character is not of much help here. The more essential question is rather how to approach the grand failure, how to face it and embrace it and own it — something poor Ivan fails to do.

A better model may be Ingmar Bergman’s Antonius Block, from the film “The Seventh Seal.” A knight returning from the Crusades and plunged into crisis of faith, Block is faced with the grand failure in the form of a man. He does not hesitate to engage Death head-on. He doesn’t flee, doesn’t beg for mercy — he just challenges him to a game of chess. Needless to say, he cannot succeed in such a game — no one can — but victory is not the point. You play against the grand, final failure not to win, but to learn how to fail.

Bergman the philosopher teaches us a great lesson here. We will all end in failure, but that’s not the most important thing. What really matters is how we fail and what we gain in the process. During the brief time of his game with Death, Antonius Block must have experienced more than he did all his life; without that game he would have lived for nothing. In the end, of course, he loses, but accomplishes something rare. He not only turns failure into an art, but manages to make the art of failing an intimate part of the art of living.

Thoughts on mortality

I was fortunate to see mortality in the near distance. Stepping outside that experience, as writers tend to do, it had elements of a physics experiment. As I awaited to learn my fate, I noticed an effect on matter — an odd intensification of physical experience. Things around you offer more friction and hold your attention longer. Commonplace things like the bumps on tree bark. The light filtering through floating dust. The wetness of water. A contrast knob is turned, revealing the vivid pleasures of merely existing.

This heightened awareness applies to strangers in the street, who suddenly have faces. An unsolicited smile, the obvious creases of worry or pain, engage your emotions. There is nothing more democratic than mortality. Even if we are insects, we are insects (said Dickens) on the same leaf.

All of this is a function of a shifting perception of time. When the days seem limited, we more fully inhabit them. The arrow of time makes decay inevitable — and each moment unrecoverable. So we gain in appreciation for things as they are when we realize they will eventually be otherwise.

It was not my time, thank God, to demonstrate such generosity. I’m left, for the moment, to experience some additional moments and to hope there is a plot behind random and witless events. But I’ve gained — along with many given a fatal diagnosis — a greater appreciation for the familiar words of the psalmist: “Teach us to number our days.”

On sadness

Lately I have been in grip of periods of sadness. I don't know where it comes from. Or even what triggers these bouts of infinite sadness? It may be a harsh word, a careless remark or it may be a tragedy a million miles away. Any loss can trigger sadness -- it might even accompany a beautiful sunset that signals the end of the day. We might not always know what makes us feel sad -- it could be a shift in our body chemistry with its changing hormones, blood sugar levels, etc. Or it could be a feeling that life is rushing by leaving you only as a helpless onlooker. But these bouts of sadness do occur. 

You may awake " each morning with the desire to do right, to be a good and meaningful person, to be, as simple as it sounded and as impossible as it actually was, happy." But during the course of each day your heart would descend from the chest into the stomach. By early afternoon you maybe  overcome by the feeling that nothing was right and by the desire to be alone. By evening you maybe fulfilled: alone in the magnitude of your grief, alone in this aimless guilt, alone even in your loneliness. I am not sad, you could repeat to yourself over and over, I am not sad. As if you might one day convince your self. Or convince others--the only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad. I am not sad. I am not sad. "Because his life had unlimited potential for happiness, insofar as it was an empty white room. He would fall asleep with his heart at the foot of his bed, like some domesticated animal that was no part of him at all. And each morning he would wake with it again in the cupboard of his rib cage, having become a little heavier, a little weaker, but still pumping. And by the midafternoon he was again overcome with the desire to be somewhere else, someone else, someone else somewhere else. I am not sad.” writes Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated

But these feelings of sadness do periodically engulf one till you make an effort to break through. “Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not said Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Oftentimes all it needs is a period of silent contemplation. Sitting on my terrace looking at the fiery red sunsets in the west, the sounds of whirring medical helicopters on way to the nearest hospital. Just sitting at peace with the world forgetting the painful past and refusing to muse on the future. Just sitting quietly in the present till sadness slowly dissolves and so that I can think of the good fortune god has seen fit to bestow on me.

No one ever has a problem dealing with happiness or feeling good. When joy comes into our life we experience it freely, but when sadness or grief is present, we often struggle with them. We live in a culture that tells us to "put on a happy face," and this can make it very difficult to be comfortable with sadness. Yet sadness and grief are a normal part of everyone's life. Whether they are caused by a major loss such as the death of a loved one, or smaller everyday setbacks, we can learn to live with them with greater ease.

Not only can we become more at ease with these feelings, it is indeed vital to our health and well-being that we handle grief and sadness in a healthy way. For a healthy emotional life, we need to honor all of our emotions and allow them room for expression. When sadness comes, we need to allow ourselves to feel it fully. It helps to understand that it is a normal, natural reaction to loss, and not an indication that there is something wrong with us.

 In addition to accepting our sadness as a normal part of life, and allowing it to be present, there are some other ways we can help ourselves through sad times 

1. Share what you are feeling with a trusted friend or family member, in particular someone who can listen without judging us or trying to change you. The simple experience of being "accompanied" with your feelings can be comforting.

2. Take time to do something that is nourishing and soothing to you. Take a leisurely walk, get a massage, curl up with a good book, do gardening or other favorite hobby. 

3. Find a way to slow down and relax. This will allow the feelings to be released. Meditate, listen to some relaxing music, do some simple stretches.

4. Write in a journal or diary. When we do this, it feels as if we have an ideal listener with whom we can confide. Expressing and exploring your feelings in this way can bring perspective and comfort.

5. Learn to be your own best friend. Step back and view yourself with compassion and love. Notice if you are judging yourself harshly ("you should be over this by now"), and find sympathy for yourself instead.

A tribute to Mandela

A South African chain store has laid on one of the most touching tributes to Nelson Mandela we've seen in the past week – and it was in the form of a flash mob.

Woolworths teamed up with the Soweto Gospel Choir, who posed as shoppers and store workers at the Parkview store in Johannesburg.

The choir then began an "impromtu" rendition of Asimbonanga [We have not seen him], singing:

Asimbonanga [we have not seen him]
Asimbonang' uMandela thina [we have not seen Mandela]
Laph'ekhona [in the place where he is]
Laph'ehleli khona [in the place where he is kept]

Asimbonanga
Asimbonang 'umfowethu thina [we have not seen our brother]
Laph'ekhona [in the place where he is]
Laph'wafela khona [in the place where he died]
Sithi: Hey, wena [We say: hey, you]
Hey, wena nawe [Hey, you and you]
Siyofika nini la' siyakhona [when will we arrive at our destination]

The song was written during Mandela's incarceration as a call for his freedom. 

Watch it here:

Obamas speech at Mandelas funeral

http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/10/politics/mandela-obama-remarks/


To the people of South Africa -- people of every race and walk of life -- the world thanks you for sharing Nelson Mandela with us. His struggle was your struggle. His triumph was your triumph. Your dignity and hope found expression in his life, and your freedom, your democracy is his cherished legacy.

It is hard to eulogize any man -- to capture in words not just the facts and the dates that make a life, but the essential truth of a person -- their private joys and sorrows; the quiet moments and unique qualities that illuminate someone's soul. How much harder to do so for a giant of history, who moved a nation toward justice, and in the process moved billions around the world.

Born during World War I, far from the corridors of power, a boy raised herding cattle and tutored by elders of his Thembu tribe -- Madiba would emerge as the last great liberator of the 20th century.

Photos: Nelson Mandela memorial service

Obama shakes Raul Castro's hand

Obama, Bush families arrive in Johannesburg

Fellow Mandela prisoner praises rain

Like Gandhi, he would lead a resistance movement -- a movement that at its start held little prospect of success. Like King, he would give potent voice to the claims of the oppressed, and the moral necessity of racial justice. He would endure a brutal imprisonment that began in the time of Kennedy and Khrushchev, and reached the final days of the Cold War.

Emerging from prison, without force of arms, he would -- like Lincoln -- hold his country together when it threatened to break apart. Like America's founding fathers, he would erect a constitutional order to preserve freedom for future generations -- a commitment to democracy and rule of law ratified not only by his election, but by his willingness to step down from power.

Given the sweep of his life, and the adoration that he so rightly earned, it is tempting then to remember Nelson Mandela as an icon, smiling and serene, detached from the tawdry affairs of lesser men.

But Madiba himself strongly resisted such a lifeless portrait. Instead, he insisted on sharing with us his doubts and fears; his miscalculations along with his victories. "I'm not a saint," he said, "unless you think of a saint as a sinner who keeps on trying."

It was precisely because he could admit to imperfection, because he could be so full of good humor, even mischief, despite the heavy burdens he carrie, that we loved him so. He was not a bust made of marble; he was a man of flesh and blood -- a son and husband, a father and a friend.

That is why we learned so much from him; that is why we can learn from him still. For nothing he achieved was inevitable. In the arc of his life, we see a man who earned his place in history through struggle and shrewdness; persistence and faith. He tells us what's possible not just in the pages of dusty history books, but in our own lives as well.

Mandela showed us the power of action; of taking risks on behalf of our ideals. Perhaps Madiba was right that he inherited, "a proud rebelliousness, a stubborn sense of fairness" from his father.

Ban Ki-Moon remembers Mandela lessons

Mandela memorial: World leader montage

Certainly he shared with millions of black and colored South Africans the anger born of, "a thousand slights, a thousand indignities, a thousand unremembered moments ... a desire to fight the system that imprisoned my people."

But like other early giants of the ANC -- the Sisulus and Tambos -- Madiba disciplined his anger; and channeled his desire to fight into organization, and platforms, and strategies for action, so men and women could stand up for their dignity. Moreover, he accepted the consequences of his actions, knowing that standing up to powerful interests and injustice carries a price.

"I have fought against white domination and I have fought against black domination," he said at his 1964 trial. "I've cherished the ideal of a democratic and free society in which all persons live together in harmony and with equal opportunities. It is an ideal which I hope to live for and to achieve. But if needs be, it is an ideal for which I am prepared to die."

Mandela taught us the power of action, but also ideas; the importance of reason and arguments; the need to study not only those you agree with, but those who you don't. He understood that ideas cannot be contained by prison walls, or extinguished by a sniper's bullet.

He turned his trial into an indictment of apartheid because of his eloquence and passion, but also his training as an advocate. He used decades in prison to sharpen his arguments, but also to spread his thirst for knowledge to others in the movement. And he learned the language and customs of his oppressor so that one day he might better convey to them how their own freedom depended upon his.

Mandela demonstrated that action and ideas are not enough; no matter how right, they must be chiseled into laws and institutions. He was practical, testing his beliefs against the hard surface of circumstance and history. On core principles he was unyielding, which is why he could rebuff offers of conditional release, reminding the apartheid regime that, "prisoners cannot enter into contracts."

But as he showed in painstaking negotiations to transfer power and draft new laws, he was not afraid to compromise for the sake of a larger goal. And because he was not only a leader of a movement, but a skillful politician, the constitution that emerged was worthy of this multiracial democracy; true to his vision of laws that protect minority as well as majority rights, and the precious freedoms of every South African.

Finally, Mandela understood the ties that bind the human spirit. There is a word in South Africa -- Ubuntu - that describes his greatest gift: his recognition that we are all bound together in ways that can be invisible to the eye; that there is a oneness to humanity; that we achieve ourselves by sharing ourselves with others, and caring for those around us.

We can never know how much of this was innate in him, or how much of was shaped and burnished in a dark, solitary cell. But we remember the gestures, large and small - introducing his jailers as honored guests at his inauguration; taking the pitch in a springbok uniform; turning his family's heartbreak into a call to confront HIV/AIDS - that revealed the depth of his empathy and understanding.

He not only embodied Ubuntu; he taught millions to find that truth within themselves. It took a man like Madiba to free not just the prisoner, but the jailer as well; to show that you must trust others so that they may trust you; to teach that reconciliation is not a matter of ignoring a cruel past, but a means of confronting it with inclusion, generosity and truth. He changed laws, but also hearts.

For the people of South Africa, for those he inspired around the globe, Madiba's passing is rightly a time of mourning, and a time to celebrate his heroic life. But I believe it should also prompt in each of us a time for self-reflection. With honesty, regardless of our station or circumstance, we must ask: how well have I applied his lessons in my own life?

It is a question I ask myself as a man and as a President. We know that like South Africa, the United States had to overcome centuries of racial subjugation. As was true here, it took the sacrifice of countless people -- known and unknown -- to see the dawn of a new day. Michelle and I are the beneficiaries of that struggle.

But in America and South Africa, and countries around the globe, we cannot allow our progress to cloud the fact that our work is not done. The struggles that follow the victory of formal equality and universal franchise may not be as filled with drama and moral clarity as those that came before, but they are no less important.

For around the world today, we still see children suffering from hunger, and disease; run-down schools, and few prospects for the future. Around the world today, men and women are still imprisoned for their political beliefs; and are still persecuted for what they look like, or how they worship, or who they love.

Nelson Mandela reminds us that it always seems impossible until it is donePresident Barack Obama

We, too, must act on behalf of justice. We, too, must act on behalf of peace. There are too many of us who happily embrace Madiba's legacy of racial reconciliation, but passionately resist even modest reforms that would challenge chronic poverty and growing inequality.

There are too many leaders who claim solidarity with Madiba's struggle for freedom, but do not tolerate dissent from their own people. And there are too many of us who stand on the sidelines, comfortable in complacency or cynicism when our voices must be heard.

The questions we face today -- how to promote equality and justice; to uphold freedom and human rights; to end conflict and sectarian war -- do not have easy answers. But there were no easy answers in front of that child in Qunu.

Nelson Mandela reminds us that it always seems impossible until it is done. South Africa shows us that is true. South Africa shows us we can change. We can choose to live in a world defined not by our differences, but by our common hopes. We can choose a world defined not by conflict, but by peace and justice and opportunity.

We will never see the likes of Nelson Mandela again. But let me say to the young people of Africa, and young people around the world -- you can make his life's work your own. Over 30 years ago, while still a student, I learned of Mandela and the struggles in this land. It stirred something in me.

It woke me up to my responsibilities -- to others, and to myself -- and set me on an improbable journey that finds me here today. And while I will always fall short of Madiba's example, he makes me want to be better. He speaks to what is best inside us. After this great liberator is laid to rest; when we have returned to our cities and villages, and rejoined our daily routines, let us search then for his strength -- for his largeness of spirit -- somewhere inside ourselves.

And when the night grows dark, when injustice weighs heavy on our hearts, or our best laid plans seem beyond our reach -- think of Madiba, and the words that brought him comfort within the four walls of a cell:

It matters not how strait the gate,

How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

What a great soul it was. We will miss him deeply. May God bless the memory of Nelson Mandela. May God bless the people of South Africa.

Gratitude

This thanksgiving more than ever, my heart is full of gratitude -- to those doctors and nurses, specialists and therapists who during the course of the last two months rescued me from the edge of the precipice. There, but for their devotion and care, I would no longer be here today. So thanks. And, of course, my family and friends who stood beside me through thick and thin- actually mostly thick- praying and lighting the way to my road to recovery. So thanks again.

When in life we are faced with challenges, gratitude opens us to a larger perspective that helps us more effectively address them. When we’re unhappy—depressed, angry, in pain—we contract. The simple practice of gratitude actually begins to relax the mind. Instead of seeing things from only one perspective, we become “open-minded.” The causes of suffering don’t go away, but the context in which they’re happening gets bigger.

“A genuine sense of gratitude has to be rooted in the realization that when I think about all that I am, all that I have and all that I might have achieved, I cannot claim to have done any of this by myself. None of us is really “self-made.” Says EJ Dionne, a Washington Post columnist. “We must all acknowledge the importance of the help, advice, comfort and loyalty that came from others.”

"The one thing all humans have in common is that each of us wants to be happy," says Brother David Steindl-Rast, a monk and interfaith scholar. And happiness, he suggests, is born from gratitude. "Two things have to come together for someone to be grateful: First, we have to experience something we really like, and the second is that it has to be a gift. In other words, it must be a free gift — we haven’t bought it, we haven’t traded it in, we haven’t earned it. It is really a gift to us. When these two things come together — something that we really like is given to us — then spontaneously, in every human being, that joy rises up. It is something that happens once in a while – that gratefulness triggers joy. But we can live in such a way where we are constantly triggering joy. That is, if we realize that every moment is a given moment. Every moment is a gift. ..And with this moment is given to us opportunity. .. And to respond to that opportunity, moment by moment by moment as a free gift, releases that joy that we are really looking forward to as human beings. inspiring lesson in slowing down, looking where you’re going, and above all, being grateful."

But a call to responsibility lies at the heart of gratitude. If faith without works is dead, gratitude without generosity of spirit is empty. By reminding us of how much we owe to others, or to social arrangements, or to fate, or to God, gratitude creates an obligation to repay our debts by repairing injustices and reaching out to those whom luck has failed. Gratitude is a response to acts of love. It demands more of the same — nothing more, nothing less.

For it is said that gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.

Perhaps Milton said it best: " Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world."

The stupidity of pundits

The last few weeks have been full of the usual inane punditry especially on the cable news. In this case it has focused on obamacare. Having failed in their attempts to first kill it, then defund it and the latest to postphone it by a year,the republican critics have concentrated their ire on the rollout of the program. It seems the webpage design for signing up for insurance was not ready on time and had problems. If any of these pundits had ever worked on a computer they would know that these flubs are commonplace- have they not heard of "beta" programs. Now they have seized on a statement by Obama about people keeping thei insurance rather the new policies which provide greater protection. In all this noise, none of these so called pundits ever inform the public that Obamacare will provide protection to over 30 million people. Not once do they mention the additional protections that are now mandatory.

Of course I have given up watching these clowns realizing that these pundits are merely performers being paid for their faux outrage on screen.-truth and accuracy be damned.

Then there is another set that pronounces the death of the presidency at regular intervals . "Obama has failed and his presidency is dead", they crow' Tom Brokaw in his gravelly voice, pretending a gravity but one devoid of perspective and context regularly prounounces that Obama is a lame duck president with little to show for his tenure' Even Ruth Marcus has joined these band of idiots.  In their latest columns both Dana Milbank and Ruth Marcus are convinced that : "Maybe the president does understand that the game is over." And "Can he recover? I’m sorry to say: I’m not at all confident." Wah-wah, indeed. And all this breast beating because a web page site was not working on the day it was projected! His presidency is unproductive and doomed and he is a lame duck just because the public could not log onto a webpage! Really!

In Washington, Kentucky and Connecticut — the Affordable Care Act, or “Obamacare,” is working. Tens of thousands of  residents have enrolled in affordable health-care coverage. Many of them could not get insurance before the law was enacted. People keep asking why  these states have been successful. Here’s a hint: It’s not about Web sites!

The fact is general disenchantment starts setting in as the poetry of the campaign turns to the prose of governance. Every misstep thereafter is magnified, every error seems to portend the end of the world. In this period, objectivity tends to get lost and people forget all that has been achieved already.

The facts are this president has delivered more sweeping, progressive change in 36 months than the previous two Democratic administrations did in 12 years. "When you look at what will last in history," historian Doris Kearns Goodwin tells Rolling Stone, "Obama has more notches on the presidential belt" than anyone before him.

As president, he has rewritten America's social contract to make health care accessible for all citizens. He has brought 100,000 troops home from war and forged a once-unthinkable consensus around the endgame for the Bush administration's $3 trillion blunder in Iraq and Afghanistan. He has secured sweeping financial reforms that elevate the rights of consumers over Wall Street bankers and give regulators powerful new tools to prevent another collapse. And most important of all, he has achieved all of this while moving boldly to ward off another Great Depression and put the country back on a halting path to recovery.

Along the way, Obama delivered record tax cuts to the middle class and slashed nearly $200 billion in corporate welfare — reinvesting that money to make college more accessible and Medicare more solvent. He single-handedly prevented the collapse of the Big Three automakers — saving more than 1 million jobs — and brought Big Tobacco, at last, under the yoke of federal regulation. Even in the face of congressional intransigence on climate change, he has fought to constrain carbon pollution by executive fiat and to invest $200 billion in clean energy — an initiative bigger than John F. Kennedy's moonshot and one that's on track to double America's capacity to generate renewable energy by the end of Obama's first term.

On the social front, he has improved pay parity for women and hate-crime protections for gays and lesbians. He repealed the policy of "do'nt ask, do'nt tell."He has brought a measure of sanity to the drug war, reducing the sentencing disparity for crack cocaine while granting states wide latitude to experiment with marijuana laws. And he has installed two young, female justices on the Supreme Court, creating what Brinkley calls "an Obama imprint on the court for generations."

The historic progress that Obama has made is especially evident in nine key areas especially if you remember where the U.S was in 2008 before he took over: In 2008, just two years ago, the country faced a fiscal crisis and a second great depression, we were mired in two wars abroad, Dow Jones was touching an all time low of 600 , US was losing 75000 jobs per month,  there were no investments in infrastructure or green technology, the American auto industry faced bankruptcy.And what has Obama managed to do in just five years:

1 | Averting a Depression: his economic team has helped prevent the collapse of the US into the second great depression and the world economy
2 | Sparking Recovery: US economy has shifted from a tailspin to some measure of stabilization and some prospect of job growth and Dow stands at over 15,000
3 | Saving Detroit: GM is now the largest and most profitable car company in the world
4 | Reforming Health Care: Universal health insurance (with promised deficit reduction!) is now law of the land providing coverage to over 20 million of our fellow citizens, covering pre existing conditions, allowing students to stay on their parents plans - a goal sought by Democrats for decades.
5 | Cutting Corporate Welfare
6 | Restoring America's Reputation:Equal pay for women has been passed into law.
7 | Protecting Consumers: The race to the top in education spending has created reform in a large number of states from the bottom up,.The size of Peace Corps has been doubled, Pell grants increased substantially and a major fillip given to Volunteerism. A new Consumer protection agency has been created.
8 | Launching a Clean-Energy MoonShot:Major investments have been made in green technology laying the foundation for the future.A stimulus package has helped undergird infrastructure and will probably do more to advance non-carbon energy than anything that might have emerged from Copenhagen.
9. In foreign affairs, he has quietly managed to disarm Syria of its chemical weapons- Assad has been forced to acknowledge the possession of chemical weapons and to their destruction under UN auspices, and started a dialogue with Iran, after 39 years, for nuclear disarmament. Given the hysteria of these so called pundits along with the hawkish politicians, this is no mean achievement.

These are the facts the bloviating pundits conveniently ignore.

So now I treat them as I would when I go to the circus-just one more clown taking his turn in the spotlight for his daily bread.

I would advise you to do the same.

Home at last

Chinese have a saying " May you live in interesting times". Well, the last six weeks have certainly been a fascinating period in my life. Not one I would like to repeat but interesting nevertheless less. And as usually it happens it started with as a small thing. In my case it was  a tiny blister on my foot. Since I was a diabetic I had been warned to pay special attention to any such outgrowths.

After some initial hesitation, I made a beeline for my doctor. He took one look at the offending foot, and urged me to leave for the hospital forthwith. So there I was in my hospital bed listening to various specialists pronouncing on my fate and prognosing a bleak future indeed unless I took a dialysis regime to clear my body of the accumulating toxins. Thus followed a hospital stay, then a rehab nursing center and finally permission to return home under a strictly supervised regime.

Here is a brief diary of he next few days..?

It had been seven years since I underwent quadruple bypass surgery at the best heart center in the US. Unfortunately that experience had left me with an ejection fraction of 15% barely adequate to pump the heart. During the past few years, three doctors had managed to skillfully redesign my life to a relative health. But now I was back again having fallen off the strict regime which had upset the chemical balance of my body.

One of the prime culprits was a new drug called Lyrica. Now I love my doctor-he is kind, considerate and so far his judgments (I have had him now for 25 years) and advice have been sound. But once in a while his judgment slips. Unfortunately it happened last week...He had prescribed Lyrica, a brand new drug, a month ago to alleviate my PHN pain a result of a bout of shingles the previous year. But he had not taken into account it's possible side effects!

Apparently Lyrica had built up in my body raising both the creatinine and bun levels ( both measure the functioning of the body’s kidney functions) beyond the danger levels. Alarmed at the new levels he now recommended a right heart  catherization and an iv drip. Except that I had become so weak as a result of Lyrica thatI felt that the procedure may be a real danger to my life. So I refused the procedure then, only to reap the fruits of my delaying and leading to the emergency trip to the hospital! 

 I entered the hospital and soon enough found myself engulfed with various experts. During my first seven days scores of specialists visited my bedside but three standout, because each of them predicted my demise with different degrees of subtlety. One prognosed that the only solution to my condition was a heart transplant. But a few years earlier, John Hopkins, after a detailed assesment had declined to place me on the list because of old age of 70. Another suggested an LVD but in the present condition it was not possible. A third assesed that dialysis was only a temporary fix --in short, I should get my affairs in order ( and this in presence of my daughter who was understandably distraught). Another suggested I focus on Gita . In short all of them saw but a limited lifespan left for me. Fortunately my old cardiologist was there to provide a common sense path forward. And that led to the dialysis in the hope that it would rid the body of the toxins that had built up.

You need dialysis when you develop end stage kidney failure --usually by the time you lose about 85 to 90 percent of your kidney function. When your kidneys fail, dialysis keeps your body in balance by: removing waste, salt and extra water to prevent them from building up in the body, keeping a safe level of certain chemicals in your blood, such as potassium, sodium and bicarbonate, and helping to control blood pressure.

Chronic kidney disease and GFR - glomerular filtration rate is the best test to measure your level of kidney function and determine your stage of kidney disease. Your doctor can calculate it from the results of your blood creatinine test, your age, body size and gender. The earlier kidney disease is detected, the better the chance of slowing or stopping its progression. One in 10 American adults, more than 20 million, have some level of CKD.

Actually some kinds of acute kidney failure do get better after treatment. In some cases of acute kidney failure, dialysis may only be needed for a short time until the kidneys recover. Dialysis can be done in a hospital, in a dialysis unit that is not part of a hospital, o r even at home.

The dialysis machine is really a very simple machine which takes blood through one tube and returns it to your body through another. The machine itself does all the work of cleaning the blood and removing the toxins from the body. So you go in twice or thrice a week, are tied to one of these machines ,and after three hours you emerge with considerably cleaner blood. The hardest part is lying on a bed for three hours!

Heartened by the progress I moved to a rehab nursing home
for the early days of my dialysis. There were a number of patients at the center being rehabilitated for a number of ailments from Alzeimer to kidney failure. There was a CEO painfully learning to recognize what day of the week it was, a high school teacher determined to walk again, a grandmother surrounded constantly by her children and grandchildren, a lonely old man who cried at night. Yes, it was a varied mix of humanity. And those looking after them were a varied lot indeed. While management was mostly white, specialists were mostly Indian, daytime nurses were the local black, but night time nurses were tall strapping women from Africa- Somalia, Nigeria, Eritrea.

There was physical therapy, occupational therapy and varies other regimes to get you back on your feet. I learnt a lot from this regime; from how to walk, first with a wheelchair, then a a walker and finally on my own, how to urinate lying down, getting up from comfortable sofas, and sleeping on beds surrounded by bars, being woken by a floating cast of nurses at all times of night and day and constant pricking by needles drawing blood. Oh, those needles!

After ten days I was ready to go home!

During my stay both at the hospital and the nursing home, I was greatly heartened by the calls from family and friends enquiring about my state of health. I has often written about how it was difficult to console friends in times of tragedy, but now I had a new perspective with my views being leavened with having been on the receiving end too.
 So what can I tell you about how to console friends in their times of travail.

So what words of wisdom can I now pass on to you when you venture to console your friends in their times of trouble?

The first, do call or write. The very fact that you took the trouble to do it is heartwarming to the patient that he is in your minds and prayers are very reassuring.

When you write recall incidents in the past of happier times together and urge them to get well soon for happier times to come

It is true that when you call, emotions often take over despite your best efforts. But you need to control the urge to commiserate or cry. Rather focus on the serious cheerful. For example once a friend called and said " I want you to get well soon so that I can fight with you about Obama and the state of the country" or another "Keep it up Anil! It's always great to be alive, (and to have you with us) no matter how difficult it is to stay involved!!" "All I can say I am so happy to see this to know you are on your way to getting back to your old life! Hope you will be out of hospital/re-hab real soon now. Lots of love and good wishes from all of us,"

All these messages and calls are a reminder that you are still loved and missed and that you have a life, a trifle altered, still awaiting you ahead.

Remember your words will provide "Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth,  and Love to complete your life"

And finally , if you can, simply sit by their side - quietly , gently- simply sit. No words are necessary; your very presence says it all. That will be the most soul satisfying moments of them all.

Back at the nursing home, a month has passed. And boy, what a month it had been! From a near unanimous prognosis of a few days left on the death bed to walking home after thirty days of pain! The very thought of going back to some semblance of my former life cheered me immensely.

And it had all started with a swelling of my feet-an indicator of edema increase. Mine had, it seems, gone beyond limits. So I was rushed to the hospital and then followed some of the most painful days of my life. But now I was going home and that was all that mattered...

But in a sense you cannot really go home- the world has changed, your environment is no longer the same, and the people you knew before you went away too have pursued their own lives. And don't forget you have changed too- after all the turmoil has to have left a mark on you too.

The key to a successful return is to recognize these changes and to learn to adjust to  them. For example, in my case, one of the hardest tasks was wearing shoes and getting into the car. Others included walking everywhere but with a walker, ensuring that all the medicines were at hand, and that oxygen boost was available, reorganizing the house with a special bed, shower chair, and bedside toilet, and getting a wheelchair for those long journeys to cinemas and restaurants ( one can dream cant one?). Nothing was a great hardship but only if one planned and organized for it. Life could be managed, I found,if one put ones mind to it.them. I certainly found that in my case. I found myself speaking much less and thinking and reflecting more,  appreciating the little kindnesses and courtesies. Gradually I found curiosity about my surroundings slowly reemerging and writing, albeit slowly, became once again a joy.

Yes it seemed I had almost touched the pearly gates but had been to my great surprise denied admission at least at this time....so now it was upto me to make the best of the extension of life granted me.

What had I learnt from this journey...

Doctors don't know everything --As Jerome Groopman wrote on average, a physician will interrupt a patient describing her symptoms within eighteen seconds. In that short time, many doctors decide on the likely diagnosis and best treatment. Often, decisions made this way are correct, but at crucial moments they can also be wrong  with catastrophic consequences.

Nurses are grossly under appreciated. “Constant attention by a good nurse may be just as important as a major operation by a surgeon. “ ~Dag Hammarskjold . Nurses dispense comfort, compassion, and caring without even a prescription.

Your family is everything. During the entire period my family stood like a rock beside me-my daughter took leave to spend nights massaging my back, my son flew back from Vietnam to reinforce her ministrations and my wife was an ever present presence in the room. Without them it is unlikely that I would be writing this blog!

I learnt patience and becoming careful in my words, even a trifle timid. I learnt the joy of watching the daily sunrise, hearing the conversations of those around me, and watching my grandson dance!

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