Dharma and love

He looked back on his life sometimes with regret. Here he was entering his seventh decade with no one really to call his own.He had had a rich life, graduated from the best schools, worked in the best companies and once looked forward to a glittering career. But then fate intervened.His only brother died leaving his parents. He really had no choice but to return and look after them leaving his love and life behind.He thought he would return soon but things dragged on and while his parents urged him to return to his interrupted career, he was stuck with his own sense of duty, and stayed.

In the Hindu way of life, adherence to ones dharma was all important.and filial duty was one of those laws written in stone. In the west while one had obligations to ones parents, one also had obligations to self, and others close to you. The Bible for example is clear, one must "leave and cleave" - leave ones parents on marriage and cleave to ones new family. But when these obligations clashed, ones dharma usually prevailed. But should it? While children had an obligation to look after their aging parents,did not these same parents have an equal obligation to ensure the best for their children? And what if the choice is between looking after old parents and being true to oneself and ones aspirations? What do the scriptures say about these choices? This was a dilemma that faces many. And it seems to have no easy answers.

And what happens when the duty is done,and dharma satisfied? How do you rewind and relive your life that has passed you by ? But there is conflict in the parent as well. While they would dearly love to have their children next to them in their declining years, they also equally desperately them want the to succeed in their lives. It is this desire that they not become millstones that often moves them to hide their ailments and pooh pooh all pain in front of their kids. It often seems that both child and parent are wrestling unbeknownst with the same dilemna. How to reconcile two unreconcilables? Dharma and profound love.

Twenty years passed as he wrestled with his demons and the still nagging conscience till one day his father died in his arms. Even in his darkest moments he recalled the look of pride and satisfaction in his fathers eyes.There was bliss there and peace that now his son would carry on. But it had been difficult as slowly and inexorably his other loved ones passed on too. The sheet anchor was left alone. He sometimes looked with regret at his friends who had families and children of their own which he could have had. But then he busied himself in volunteer works becoming an benevolent uncle to the children of the community. Still doubts nagged him. His life seemed to have passed him by.The future seemed now barren and lifeless.Emotionally he was drained and yet he reflected he was never fully engaged in his life as caregiving was a demanding mistress.He recalled an article on the loneliness of old age. But why should it be so, he argued with himself. Why should old age be friendless?

You are old, his reflection in the mirror wailed, who will want to be with you,listen to your tired jokes ,listen to your wisdom of seventy years. Who indeed, he told himself bitterly, but then he straightened his shoulders, clutched the bouquet of flowers and pressed the doorbell...

She tenderly caressed her mothers face. She had nursed her after her fathers death two decades ago.Her own marriage had broken under the strain of separation from her husbands career and her devotion to her mother. And now when the end seemed near for her mother, she wondered, what would she do now? She had left her life for her mothers.But who was there to do the same for her, her soul cried. But when her friends urged her to meet new people and restart her life again, she was full of doubts.

After all she had a comfortable life. Her bad marriage was finally behind her. Did she even want a emotional bond howsoever tenous at this stage of her life. She could go to the art shows and exhibitions she had missed for so long. She could catch up with all the gossip in the city and gallivanting with her girlfriends. But then she reflected she did miss a companion at her side who she could confide in, who would provide some emotional sustainence to her dried up life. Life seemed so simple when one was young. If one did not work out, there was surely another waiting in the wings. But now choices were limited and so seemed much more difficult to make. Her duty was done and now she had a right to her own happiness. The question that nagged her was what path to take now.

She stood uncertainly before the mirror, gazing at her sixty year old face, which still retained it's beauty though now faded, insecurity and uncertainty clouding her face..

And then the doorbell rang...