The rituals of death

"Of all the wonders that I yet have heard,
It seems to me most strange that men should fear;
Seeing that death, a necessary end,

Will come when it will come."

Yet despite what the bard says, the fact is that each death is greeted with shock and profound grief by family and friends. The outpourings of sorrow seems sometimes to go on for a long time and casts a shadow on the lives of those left behind as they struggle to recover from the loss.

Our wise ancestors certainly foresaw this and thus laid down a string of rituals for family and friends to follow. Some of these now seem quaint- and some of them are- but the main aim of these rituals is to allow the near and dear ones to cope with the death and to continue with their lives.

All religions have their own sets of funeral rites though many of them seem surprisingly similar to each other. The rituals of death may vary from culture to culture but underlying it is the belief that soul does not die and that it will be preserved in some form of the other.

A belief in the cyclical reincarnation of the soul is also one of the foundations of the Hindu religion. Death is viewed as a natural aspect of life, and there are numerous epic tales, sacred scriptures, and vedic guidance that describe the reason for death's existence, the rituals that should be performed surrounding it, and the many possible destinations of the soul after departure from its earthly existence. While the ultimate goal is to transcend the need to return to life on earth, all Hindus believe they will be reborn into a future that is based primarily on their past thoughts and actions.

The standard cremation ceremony- and all Hindus are cremated- normally begins with the ritual cleansing, dressing and adorning of the body. The body is then carried to the cremation ground as prayers.

It is the chief mourner, usually the eldest son, who performs the major parts of the ceremony at the cremation grounds. He circumambulates the pyre counterclockwise– for everything is backward at the time of death. As he walks round the pyre, his sacred thread, which usually hangs from the left shoulder, has been reversed to hang from the right. He lights the pyre. The dead, now, is an offering to Agni, the fire.

After the corpse is almost completely burned, the chief mourner performs the rite called kapälakriyä, the 'rite of the skull,' cracking the skull with a long bamboo stick, thus releasing the soul from entrapment in the body. After the cremation, the ashes are thrown into a river, ideally the Ganges river, and the mourners walk away without looking back.

The death ritual does not, however, end with the elimination of the body. There is still the safety of the soul to look after. To ensure the passage during its voyage to the Otherworld, an eleven-day ritual called shraddha is performed which consists of daily offerings of rice balls, called pindas, which provide a symbolic, transitional body for the dead which is making the journey to the heavens. On the twelfth day, the departed soul is said to reach its destination and be joined with its ancestors, a fact expressed symbolically by joining a small pinda to a much larger one.

But where does the soul go?

Those who have been "meritorious," but have not quite attained liberation through Self-knowledge, are sent to a heavenly realm to await their fate.

The fate for those who have participated in less honorable thoughts or actions is far less pleasant. The Arthasastra, a Hindu textbook from the second century BCE, offers a detailed description of some of the more frightening realms.

The evil man becomes born as an animal, among the worms, insects, moths, beasts of prey, mosquitoes, and so forth.

Those who lead a life of austerity, meditation and grace can look forward to the possibility of reaching Brahmaloka. This is the "highest among the heavenly planes" and the dwelling place of Brahma himself.

Our wise ancestors laid down a detailed traditon which many follow:

As Death Approaches.
Traditionally, a Hindu dies at home. When death is imminent, kindred are notified. The person is placed in his room or in the entryway of the house, with the head facing east. A lamp is lit near his head and he is urged to concentrate on his mantra. Kindred keep vigil until the great departure, singing hymns, praying and reading scripture.

The Moment of Death.
If the dying person is unconscious at departure, a family member chants the mantra softly in the right ear. Holy ash or sandal paste is applied to the forehead, Vedic verses are chanted, and a few drops of milk, Ganga or other holy water are trickled into the mouth.

After death. The body is laid in the home's entryway, with the head facing south, on a cot or the ground--reflecting a return to the lap of Mother Earth. The lamp is kept lit near the head and incense burned. A cloth is tied under the chin and over the top of the head. The thumbs are tied together, as are the big toes. Religious pictures are turned to the wall, and in some traditions mirrors are covered. Relatives are beckoned to bid farewell and sing sacred songs at the side of the body.

The "chief mourner" leads the rites. He is the eldest son in the case of the father's death and the youngest son in the case of the mother's.The chief mourner performs arati, passing an oil lamp over the remains, then offering flowers. The male (or female, depending on the gender of the deceased) relatives carry the body to the back porch, remove the clothes and drape it with a white cloth. Each applies sesame oil to the head, and the body is bathed with water from the nine kumbhas, dressed, placed in a coffin. The women then walk around the body and offer puffed rice into the mouth to nourish the deceased for the journey ahead. A widow will place her tali (wedding pendant) around her husband's neck, signifying her enduring tie to him. The coffin is then closed.

Cremation.
Only men go to the cremation site, led by the chief mourner. Two pots are carried: the clay kumbha and another containing burning embers from the homa. The body is carried three times counterclockwise around the pyre, then placed upon it. If a coffin is used, the cover is now removed. The men offer puffed rice as the women did earlier, cover the body with wood and offer incense and ghee. With the clay pot on his left shoulder, the chief mourner circles the pyre while holding a fire brand behind his back. At each turn around the pyre, a relative knocks a hole in the pot with a knife, letting water out, signifying life's leaving its vessel. At the end of three turns, the chief mourner drops the pot. Then, without turning to face the body, he lights the pyre and leaves the cremation grounds. The others follow.

Bone-Gathering Ceremony. About 12 hours after cremation, family men return to collect the remains. Water is sprinkled on the ash; the remains are collected on a large tray. Ashes are carried or sent to India for deposition in the Ganges or placed in an auspicious river or the ocean, along with garlands and flowers.

Memorials.
On the 3rd, 5th, 7th or 9th day, relatives gather for a meal of the deceased's favorite foods. A portion is offered before his photo and later ceremonially left at an abandoned place, along with some lit camphor.On the 31st day, a memorial service is held. Others hold one year memorials as long as the sons of the deceased are alive.

Yet our while mourning is never suppressed or denied, our scriptures also admonished all against excessive lamentation for, as they said, departed soul is acutely conscious of emotional forces directed at him and prolonged grieving can hold him in earthly consciousness, inhibiting full transition to the heavenly worlds.

In Hindu Bali, it is shameful to cry for the dead. The Irish hold a "wake" where the family gathers after the body is buried and partake of food and drinks. Whatever the origins, the ceremony of the wake provides comfort to those who have nursed a loved one through a terminal illness or have had them snatched away by disaster without the chance to say goodbye. It is an opportunity to celebrate the departed person’s life in the company of his or her family and friends and to mark their departure from their home for the last time. A wake is thus a scene of both sadness and joy as the end of that life is marked but the life itself is remembered and treasured. For even as there is death, it should be an occassion to celebrate the life of the one who has gone.

It is a wise tradition and one I hope we can add on to our own rituals of death so that they become also a celebration of life.