Men don’t cry

There is a popular myth that grown men don’t cry because they have been so trained from their childhood. But is that really true?

After all who chokes up at sappy movies? Who gets so swept away by excitement that they leap to their feet and hug complete strangers? Who falls apart when a relationship ends? The surprising answer: men. Granted, the movie is likely to be Field of Dreams, the exuberance explodes in stadiums and the breakup may be their idea. However, new research reveals that a man's emotional life is as complex and rich as a woman's, but often remains a mystery to him as well as to any woman who loves him.

Why are many men so emotionally clueless? Blame the male brain. "Men are hard-wired differently," says David Powell, PhD, president of the International Center for Health Concerns, who explains that the connection between the left-brain, home of logic, and the right, the seat of emotions, is much greater in women. "Women have the equivalent of an interstate highway, so they move readily between the right and left brains. For men the connection is like a meandering country lane, so we don't have such ready access to feelings."

Also there is this idea that being a real man means being in control -- of others and of yourself. “And crying is a metaphor for loss of control," says Katz, author of The Macho Paradox. "That's the heart of the matter right there.”

But this cuts both ways- women may prefer the sensitive types over the macho male in theory, but when push comes to shove and it is about men showing their emotions, many women are quite clear, "If there's going to be someone crying on someone's shoulder, I sure as hell don't want him crying on mine."

In some cultures, men can cry only three times in their lives: when they are born, when their parents die, and when their babies are born. While there has been some shift in acceptance of men's vulnerability, there's a long way to go before we have fully evolved men.

It seems that real men do cry and a recent U.K. poll has named R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts” “the song that makes men cry the most.” The 1992 hit from the alt-rock legends topped 10 tear-jerkers by the likes of Eric Clapton, U2 and Bruce Springsteen, according to Spinner.com. The survey was organized by PRS for Music, a company that collects and pays royalties to more than 70,000 members.

And the top 10 songs that are male tearjerkers:

1. “Everybody Hurts,” R.E.M.


2. “Tears in Heaven,” Eric Clapton


3. “Hallelujah,” Leonard Cohen


4. “Nothing Compares 2 U,” Sinead O’Connor


5. “With or Without You,” U2


6. “The Drugs Don't Work,” The Verve


7. “Candle in the Wind,” Elton John


8. “Streets of Philadelphia,” Bruce Springsteen


9. “Unchained Melody,” Todd Duncan


10. “Angels,” Robbie William