What price friendship?

Not so long ago, friendship belonged to a dwindling list of desirable outcomes – including happiness, wisdom and good weather – that money couldn't buy. In a cold and indifferent world full of cold and indifferent strangers, a friend was something you had to find yourself and cultivate over a lifetime. ( see my blog posts on "Friends and friendship" and " Circles of friends").

But no more: now you can purchase friendship at your convenience, by the hour. For a certain consideration, you can hire someone to go to a museum with you, or hang out at the gym, or keep you company while you shop. A stranger, you might say, is just a friend who hasn't invoiced you yet.

This disturbing development had its origins in Japan. There a new a new type of "social service" industry is helping folks fill their social void. Renting a friend, or professional stand-in, is a logical and effective Japanese solution to singledom issues -- particularly for those who prefer to keep their dirty laundry closeted, along with their marital status, sexual orientation and employment history. Ryuichi Ichinokawa, founder of one of Japan's first rent-a-friend agencies, says he feels Japan's traditions and formal culture drive many of its citizens to push personal problems out of public view. So even if keeping personal proclivities private requires hiring a professional to fill in the gaps, it's worth the price.

Ichinokawa has seen first-hand the growing popularity of the faux friend agencies since founding Hagemashi Tai (or I Want to Cheer You Up) three years ago. In the beginning, Ichinokawa played all the roles himself, but now he employs more than 30 "friends" who, for a pre-arranged rate, will fill almost any social role: friend, relative, colleague, spouse, parent, classmate, even best man. The roles agents are asked to play range from being best man at a wedding, to being a child's 'uncle' at a sports event, to being a parent attending a matchmaking party. They might be asked to be a husband at a social gathering, or even a rival suitor.

What each situation has in common is that the client wants the agent to fill in the gap in his or her life - a gap they feel unable to broach publicly. Behind the example of the 'uncle' watching his nephew's sports event, for example, is the fact that the child's mother is a divorcee, the father is absent, and the son is being bullied at school by his peers. It is clear that the divorcee is attempting to fill in the gap of her missing husband and her son's missing father in the hope, apart from anything else, that this will solve the problem of her son being bullied. The uncle is also a stand-in father and, at least in the mother's mind, will quite literally represent the protective authority figure that is missing in their lives. Another situation described is acting to rescue love affairs that are failing. A woman client employs an agent to act as a potential rival in order to re-kindle her lover's interest. When she is in public with her inattentive boyfriend, the agent is programmed to 'accidentally' turn up, show that they've met before and express overt interest in her. Here the agent is asked to collude with the woman in trying to cover up the fact that her boyfriend has lost interest in her, if he was ever interested in the first place. Whatever role the agent is asked to play points to an underlying emotional gap in the client that is too painful to know about - much less risk exposing.

Japan is a culture which has an extreme fear of vulnerability and defeat and that prides itself on the importance of form and structure ­ on putting on a good public appearance . Here it is perhaps especially shameful when the facts of one's life don't correspond to how they are supposed to be. For many people, these discrepancies convey a terrible sense of failure and inadequacy. Having to hire friends and relatives only highlights the isolation of these clients and how much intimacy is lacking in their lives. However, in helping clients cover up their problems, the agents or “friends”seem to be acting more in the role of social prostitutes, giving short-term relief that must be kept secret at all costs. Creating the façade of a life without problems is immensely seductive but it is the client who is fooled in the end.

But rent a friend has also become big in the US and is well on its way in UK. The website rentafriend.com maintains a database with 218,000 names on it, chums-for-hire from all over the US and Canada. Apparently, 2,000 people pay to subscribe in order to find friends to take to dinner or to invite round for some scrapbooking. It may all sound a bit suspicious, but Rentafriend founder Scott Rosenbaum insists that the service furnishes platonic friendship only. Those seeking or offering more are struck off. Rent A Friend is not an escort site. It does not proffer or offer "ladies of the night" or any form of salubrious services. Instead, it simply exists to rent out strangers who will be happy to be your friend. For a set amount of time. For money.

You can rent them by the hour for a social event, or simply to teach you a new skill. Indeed, there are a whole variety of things your (paid-for) friend can help with: "You can rent a local Friend to hang out with", states the website. "[Someone to] go to a movie or restaurant with, someone to go with you to a party or event, someone to teach you a new skill or hobby, or someone to show you around an unfamiliar town". After all human beings are sociable animals and needs companionship(real market demand).How companionship is priced(heart felt affection,money &/or time) is up to a mutual agreement between parties involved.

And how much does friendship cost. I bet you didn’t know. But the market rate for a friend is apparently around $10 per hour!